Submerged in my thoughts fighting a demon I never knew was there
My thoughts take over and I turn into a different person
Angered and outraged eyes ablaze like a fire has been ignited
No water no extinguisher no liquid can put out my solid thoughts
Maybe they’re permanent
Maybe they have a mind of their own
They control me
I think maybe they are out to get me
They leave me lifeless with no guard to save me
Fires ablaze and there’s no escaping
Fall victim to a concept fall victim to a thought
Fall victim to an emotion
Damn I’m starting think it’s my fault
Can’t blame them can’t blame him can’t blame her
I’m at the finish line but there was never a start
Playing hide and seek with my feelings playing tag with my heart play fighting with my thoughts so I throw them all in a vault
Punch a hole through a wall so I can see from a different view
I see them all standing around asking if its really you
They point fingers and throw jabs I stand back trying to suppress a laugh as I grab a fragile heart that I thought was mines
Examine it from different angles only to find out its not alive
It doesn’t beat at the pace that it should.. try to shake it to get it started but it’s bruised
Bruised from the past and from the pain that its endured
I yell scream and push I try to tell you to move
The past has its hands around the noose that its tying
I envision bad things its like I’m dying, but I’m trying
I step further back and there you are just standing still
It’s not my heart that I’m holding but it’s yours and now I’m frantic
I’m pacing back and forth trying to control my growing thoughts but I’m slowly starting to panic
I try to grasp what’s going on but I can’t because I’m stuck
It’s like my feet are glued to this place and I keep telling you to start
The past is weighing its toll on me but its because your standing in the doorway
You’re stuck between the now and then and the affects are pulling you down
I yell and scream and roll but the fire has spread around
I’m standing in the midst of it trying to get you to notice me
You hear bits and pieces but its like you’re purposely ignoring me
I feel for you
I hurt for you
But you won’t tell me what’s hurting you
I can’t make you see if you choose  to dim the light on me
Fighting a battle that isn’t mine but God has taken it away from me
For its not my battle and it’s not yours
You have the option and the ability to confront the past face to face and tell them to give back what’s yours
And if you can’t, stand to the side and let me help you close the door
The bad thoughts the bickering the unforeseen demons
They’ll do whatever it takes to steal the joy that’s yours for receiving
I reevaluate my own life to fix my own faults
But I can’t make it far to help you because you stop me where I start.

Thanks for reading, Be Blessed & Stay Humble.

Published by breyanaa

If given the chance, everyone has a story to tell. My name is Breyana I'jae, I am a 25 year old Temple University Psychology graduate, blogger, visionary, artist, creator, self published author, mama, jack of all trades, and lover of many things. 
When I first started this blog in 2013 my goal was to share My Story in hopes of inspiring someone else, I didn't know where it would go, how people would perceive it or what to really do, I just know I lived by the motto, Uplift, Empower, & Inspire.

While those goals still remain my blog will now be a place to promote self-love and self-care but that's not all. Come take a look to see what it offers.

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