Woman To Woman?…Let’s Talk


Given the fact that it’s almost 2018 I think we all know what this “woman to woman” thing is about but for some reason it’s becoming reality a lot as of lately. If not, let me give you a quick run down. “Hello, may I speak to Barbara?.. Barbara, this is Shirley” lol, but no, this is when a woman comes and approaches you about a man you’re dating and letting you know “sis, you ain’t the only one dating him” or they might even hit you with the “Are you talking to my man?” when you were under the impression that it was your man. My man is her man and… yeah. So who is really at fault? We’ll get to that point in a minute. Now, some women do it out of wanting to let you know, and some do it to be downright petty because either way they still intend on messing with the guy but they feel like they have one up on you by letting you know. I for one have never approached a female over a man that was supposed to be mine, matter of fact let me correct that…I have never approached a female regarding a male in my life. Why? Because if it has to get to that point then I’ve already lost. We have all of these songs that glorify checking a female over a man, or even glorifying being the “main” or “side chick” and my question is why!? As far as I know I’ve never been a side chick but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been because well…some men are just downright sneaky. Now have I ever been approached by a female? Yes, but we will get there in a minute as well.

When it comes to this whole woman to woman thing, common sense would tell you to check YOUR man but females rather approach the female failing to realize if she’s doing anything, he allowed/is allowing it sis. If a person constantly keeps resurfacing they’re not talking to themselves, your partner is entertaining their ass, it’s simple. No woman in her right state of mind is just going to approach a female just because, she has a motive. It does come to a point where a male can sit in your face and lie and say nothing is going on so that leads to the female contacting the other female to get down to the bottom of things. In some cases it’s definitely necessary to get answers but some females make themselves look stupid, especially if it’s a reoccurring thing. My thing is, a woman’s intuition is not just going to make up things (unless she’s crazy or insecure), if you have a hunch he’s not doing right or cheating then 10/9 he is. The bad thing is, love will cause us females to look straight at evidence and turn a blind eye or forgive easily. Men, they like to take advantage of stuff like that, they see that they can get away with it so guess what? They’re going to keep doing it until they’re done having their fun or until you get tired and choose to walk away from the relationship. What I don’t like about the woman to woman approach is that 9/10 females choose to make a big scene and fight/argue over the same man they are going to continue to be with and continue to put up with the same things, so what was the point of reaching out? What point did you prove? And most choose to come for the girl when in all reality your man is at fault for putting you in the predicament so beat both of their asses. No, no I’m joking lol, in all seriousness check your man before you call yourself checking someone else because most of the time he’s lying to both of you and telling you different things so now you got beef with a female who’s probably clueless as to what’s going on.

I had a female approach me once in the past. To make a long story short since it’ll take too long to go into detail, I was in a relationship and some revealing pictures got sent to my phone. This particular female went as far as exposing herself to let me know she was messing with my dude at the time. She sent me pictures, no message just the pictures; one of her on top of him (her fully unclothed, tits out, all of that, he still had his boxers on) but the picture was compromising enough, the other of him just laying on her fully clothed. And she went as far as posting a picture of herself on his IG with the caption “The Misses“. So you know what I did? I had a petty moment and exposed both of their asses because in that moment I felt like “you’re not about to play with my feelings and my heart, oh no no no.” I tried to get answers before I reacted but when my calls went unanswered in my head that was all the confirmation I needed so I threw a collage up on IG and gave the world a piece of my mind. Now, I still ended up staying with this guy (you see how I said females make themselves look dumb) I did all of that just to stay with him, why? Because I loved him enough to work things out and he explained his side of things, the pictures weren’t recent and more, which is a long story for another day but what matters is I ended up staying. Months go by, didn’t hear a peep out of sis, my car gets totaled and on the day it gets totaled here comes Miss Petty. This girl had the nerve to write me on twitter saying she was sorry to hear about my car, called me a fool, for one how did she even know my twitter or what car I drove? And if I was a fool then what did that make her because I never approached the girl, she always felt the need to make her presence known to me. So she been knew who I was apparently, knew my social media, so girlfriend was let’s say, a little pressed. I really thought she was trying to be my sister wife, haha just joking, but I was livid of course because here you are still resurfacing and I can’t lie I wanted to fight her and that’s not even me but she struck a nerve that day. And yes, he got cursed out just as well because at the time we weren’t necessarily together but we pretty much were if that makes sense (we were taking a so called “break” but it really wasn’t) either way, it’s still disrespectful to have a female approaching me, regardless.

Now I share this all to say this whole situation was a case of “sis what the hell are you talking about?” because I had no idea that she even existed until she approached me, but she was under the impression (I’m assuming) that she was his girl or whatever was going down in her mind that made her approach me. How? I don’t know because we shared damn near all of our time together and we weren’t a secret so that was confusing enough, but hey that doesn’t mean it wasn’t possible. The moment a man isn’t with you he can be out doing God knows what, don’t be naive. And being all over a person’s social media means nothing to people. Once I had time to reflect on the situation I couldn’t even be mad at her because she was probably told something else about me and who I was, which still wouldn’t make sense but I stopped trying to put that puzzle back together ages ago. The irrelevant stays irrelevant and the past stays the past. Now in the present day, that’s none of my business because I can care less about who she is or what she was. I can look back and laugh at it, and share that experience.

Some things you live and you learn through, it’s apart of life. From different experiences you learn what and what not to accept from others if confronted with a similar situation in the future. Some women have motives when approaching another female, while some, like I said are just downright petty. I would never be comfortable with playing a side chick role, some people are and that’s on them but people want to be loved so bad that they end up accepting bs, it has to stop. You can’t possibly love yourself if you’re letting a man do whatever for the sake of love and a relationship. Some people can move past cheating, lies, side chicks, any relationship issues, and whatever else, but my point is stop making yourself look stupid in the midst of it. And stop telling your business on social media, I understand having a moment but some personal things, need to stay personal. Check your man if it gets that deep and have him check the female, and if it gets to a point that you’re checking your mans phone and snooping around because you suspect something, you’ve already lost sis. If you aren’t satisfied with what’s coming out of his mouth and you have to do your own investigations, that’s not somebody you need to be with. All in all, woman to woman has its perks sometimes if everyone involved is being truthful because it brings infidelity to the forefront and you become aware that everything isn’t what you thought it was.

To sum things up ladies, the next time a guy thinks he’s going to throw off your ph balance and part his lips to lie, spit on him and block his number. I’m joking about the spit part I don’t want to be responsible if he decides to react, but in all seriousness block his number because you can do better. Mind your business and level up on his ass, his loss. And don’t pay these females any mind, they love it when you’re bothered so remain unbothered. Adjust your crown and let people know you won’t take anything less than what you deserve.

Some tips to walk away with; Before you think about approaching a female:

  1. Get the facts straight
  2. Clarify your reasoning for approaching (look back at #1) do you have evidence?
  3. Know your motives (If you choose to reach out, are you doing this to help or doing it to be petty, because just save it if you’re being petty)
  4. Ask yourself… “Am I still going to mess with him after this?” If so, leave it alone sis just leave it alone don’t make yourself look stupid, you don’t get a pat on the back for “checking” a female over “your” man.
  5. TALK TO YOUR MAN or “Y’all” man, because your man might be her man and her mannn too.
  6. Are you the side chick and KNOW you’re the side chick? No one likes you already, don’t make things harder on yourself. Just go get your own man.

Wise up ladies, make sure you know what’s really going on in between the sheets.

Thanks for reading, Be Blessed & Stay Humble. As always Choose You Always!

Interested in checking out my first two self-published books? Head over to my site: $elf – choose you always.

Be on the lookout for my upcoming urban novel, to read the snippet click here: “The Key To My Brothers Heart – Kennedy’s Reign

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Published by breyanaa

If given the chance, everyone has a story to tell. My name is Breyana I'jae, I am a 25 year old Temple University Psychology graduate, blogger, visionary, artist, creator, self published author, mama, jack of all trades, and lover of many things. 
When I first started this blog in 2013 my goal was to share My Story in hopes of inspiring someone else, I didn't know where it would go, how people would perceive it or what to really do, I just know I lived by the motto, Uplift, Empower, & Inspire.

While those goals still remain my blog will now be a place to promote self-love and self-care but that's not all. Come take a look to see what it offers.

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