Pregnancy is such a beautiful experience, I gave birth to my son 3 weeks and 2 days ago and I’m still in awe. One thing I’ve noticed is that people hardly discuss the downside of growing a human. I questioned why that was and then found my answer via social media; a lot of women are afraid to voice their true thoughts because of the backlash they may get. But why does this backlash even exist? Growing a human has never been a simple walk through the park. It can be frustrating, exhausting, and overwhelming.
I came across this video on Facebook which I thought was cute and funny of a mother expressing how she’s still pregnant, she’s overdue and doesn’t know when baby is coming.
How Far I’ll Go
The comments were a mixture of people being understanding and completely the opposite. One person commented, “OMG I’m so freaking sick of hearing women whine and complain about pregnancy, childbirth, nursing, sleepless nights, babies, potty training, teething, toddlers, teenagers….I can guarantee you that I, and millions of other childless women, would be happy to switch situations with you any day!” Another, “Pregnancy isn’t suffering. Everything y’all are listing are normal symptoms that everyone knows about before getting pregnant. Toughen up. Suffering is losing the child before you can even give them a name or losing them in general.” Telling a pregnant women to “toughen up” is RIDICULOUS, it takes a lot to have a person growing inside of you and can be a toll on the body. There will be pain, and sometimes it does feel like suffering because some women get gravely sick and are confined to the bed for majority of their pregnancy or experience other complications. Everyone is different, some women have smooth sailing experiences while others do not. But who says suffering in regards to pregnancy has to look a certain way?
Some of the replies to the above comments were really great; “Suffering is WHATEVER the freak someone feels it is! I’m not gonna look at you and say that I wouldn’t consider you losing your child suffering so don’t speak on other’s suffering…pregnancy is really hard for some of us...”, “This was meant to be funny, no where in her video was she “attacking” or “calling out” or even name women who are infertile. Everyone understands that there are women who are infertile. Everyone understands that there are women out there that can’t get pregnant & we are sorry, but just because you are having a hard time having a baby, does that mean those of us who can have to sensor jokes we make about being overdue in our own pregnancies? I don’t think so. Seriously, grow up a little.” The woman who made the initial comment came back to defend herself, “I wasn’t talking about the video. I was talking about every single comment on it complaining how pregnancy is so terrible. Again READ my comments. I wasn’t talking about the video. I’m not offended by it but what is the point in complaining about something that’s over and done with. Pain, throwing up, being uncomfortable, high blood pressure, ETC all are normal things that can happen during pregnancy. Instead of thinking “oh that won’t happen to me” y’all should be thinking it COULD happen. If it doesn’t good for you. If it does oh well. Don’t get pregnant if you can’t handle it.” That was the kicker for me “If it does oh well. Don’t get pregnant if you can’t handle it.” then someone commented “that’s like someone saying if losing a baby is so bad, don’t get pregnant. Losing a child is ALWAYS a risk of pregnancy to EVERY mom. No need to complain, right.” It’s the truth, her comment was really insensitive and it’s not okay to try and dictate what others consider as suffering. Pregnant women are allowed to voice how they feel during their own pregnancy, and if they choose, PREGNANT WOMEN ARE ALLOWED TO COMPLAIN.
Every pregnancy isn’t planned, and some of those unplanned pregnancies aren’t smooth sailing and since the woman above suggests not to get pregnant for women who complain should we just be refraining from sex altogether? That’s unrealistic and it is possible for women to get pregnant while on birth control, there’s always that risk of becoming pregnant no matter the precautions a woman may or may not be taking. My pregnancy was not planned and I complained during the last few weeks of being pregnant and you know why? One, because I could, and two, because everything hurt, my feet and lower legs were so swollen that it hurt to walk or wiggle my toes, there was no comfortable way of sleeping, and with every turn I received a random ache or pain, amongst other things. Did that make me any less excited or grateful for my son? No it did not. People complain all day everyday about simple things like work but complaining about growing a human is such a crime. A lot of us end up trying to smile through it and deal with it quietly to avoid the “stop complaining”, “you’ll be fine”, “be grateful”, etc. when in reality pregnancy can be draining mentally, emotionally, and physically. There were many times I cried out of frustration because of the changes my body went through. I couldn’t wear sneaks or any of my shoes for that matter, I had to buy adjustable sandals. Throughout my first trimester the toilet bowl was my best friend, I didn’t have morning sickness, I had any time of the day sickness. Sometimes it was miserable, and sometimes you do feel like a prisoner in your own body, especially in the third trimester. I hated to rush my son but I was more than ready to meet him. Was all the pain and emotions I experienced worth it in the end? Yes, of course it was, and as much as it hurt I’d go through my 18 hours of labor again just for my son but that doesn’t mean I won’t express the downsides because that’s just keeping it real, pregnancy f’ing hurts. Pushing out and growing a baby hurts.
Nicole, an expecting mother, was nice enough to allow me to share her own experience with her pregnancy.
Why Isn’t Anybody Talking About How F*#K~N Hard This Is?!
No, I don’t feel weird posting this. Ever since the rocky start to my unplanned pregnancy, I’ve felt a call to share my experience. Because reading other women’s journeys has been one of the only things to make me feel less alone these past 20 weeks, so I feel strongly about adding to the convo. Being pregnant is hard AF, for more reasons than you can fathom if you’ve never done it.
Yup, brave women have been keeping the human race alive since the beginning of time, so pregnancy may sound routine, but let’s set the record straight:
Brushing your teeth is routine…housing what feels like an alien life form who’s sucking the life out of you and rearranging the organs inside of your body for 9+ months THEN shoving it out of a hole it rightfully doesn’t fit through is anything but routine or normal feeling. Honestly some days I wonder if I’m on a sci-fi version of PUNK’D.
PSA: EVERY WOMAN’S EXPERIENCE WITH PREGNANCY IS UNIQUE AND VALID!
Guess what? I wasn’t excited about my pregnancy right away, and I didn’t feel OMGOMG #SOBLESSED like everyone told me I was. I cried so hard and felt so trapped inside of my morphing, aching body. I grieved the loss of my identity, and resented my new responsibilities. And I know I’m not alone in that, so why aren’t more women talking about it?
I want to. Because I now see the light, and know I’m not the monster I felt like during the first-trimester. I want to use social media for what I think it’s intended for – authentic connection. I don’t want to only post a cute bump photo and contribute to the false narrative that makes pregnancy/motherhood look like a perfectly curated breeze, when in reality the only breeze behind said photo is from pregnancy-induced gas (not like, mine, of course, because I’m a lady…).
So if posting about the good AND the bad of this experience helps even ONE pregnant woman feel less alone, then as corny as it sounds I’ll feel glad I did. Or I’ll settle for one judgmental person reading it and learning their opinions on someone else’s pregnancy journey are grossly naive and unnecessary. 😉 –@nicole__walker
Women should be able to vent about their experiences without fearing what people will say, people will be quick to say a woman isn’t grateful and tell her how she should feel blessed, happy, etc. when in all reality she feels a whole lot of things and emotions because she’s pregnant duh. It isn’t easy as some make it look nor is it always as joyful. Some days are spent being uncomfortable, sad, and unhappy, and as much as we’d like to be all smiles and look at the experience as something beautiful and amazing, it doesn’t always feel that way. Just because a woman says she can’t wait to go into labor or expresses how much pain she’s in doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her baby. I just want people to stop acting like it’s an easy process to go through or that complaining takes away from those who are having trouble conceiving or can’t. For every women that complains, there will be a million people in the comments or in life already condemning the mother and calling her everything but amazing and powerful for taking the risk of giving life. I’m here to say I feel you, I get it, and even if I never went through the experience of pregnancy, I’d still applaud you. Women already go through a lot outside of pregnancy and instead of finding flaws in everything and telling people what they should and shouldn’t be doing, or how they should and shouldn’t feel, let’s try listening for once and being open minded and realizing that everyone’s experience with childbirth, pregnancy, and trying to conceive is valid, and none takes away from the other!
So to answer your question Nicole on why more women aren’t talking about it? It’s because when they do people tend to make them feel shamed and discouraged for doing so but I’m glad you were brave enough to be brutally honest about your experiences so far because so many women can relate!
- Birthing Makai
- Support During Pregnancy
- Why Close Relationships May Change During Pregnancy.
- Bonding With Your Baby While In The Womb
- Is Circumcision The Norm?
- Bit By The Baby Bug, Now What?
Aside from the latest blog post that are waiting to be read, I have published my third book! If you’ve kept up with the blog then you’ve probably read the snippets. They are no longer available but the feedback has been nothing but good. The Key To My Brother’s Heart – Kennedy’s Reign is now available in electronic and paperback editions. It’s available electronically on Barnes & Noble and Amazon Kindle as well as paperback on Amazon. All 3 of my books and $elf products and apparel are available on my website findingyourself.bigcartel.com For easier access, simply click “Books” on the blog’s homepage.
Be sure to subscribe to the blogs monthly newsletter!
Thanks for reading, Be Blessed & Stay Humble. As always Choose You Always!
Feel free to share your thoughts and opinions below.