I recall having a conversation before about titles and whether they ruin or complicate things in relationships. More specifically, intimate/romantic ones. Personally, I think when titles don’t come naturally that things are bound to get messy. You ever hear someone say they ruined their relationship by making things official? No? Well, it happens a lot.
Naturally as humans we tend to force things unconsciously. It’s instilled in us from birth. We’re forced to go to school, forced to learn a language, forced to abide by rules and norms. But what’s really normal anyway?
I tell people I don’t like titles anymore, or more so the concept, and I’m in no rush to label anyone or anything. Now does that make me look suspicious in the eyes of a guy? Probably so but hear me out. I’m not totally against titles because sooner or later you’ll have to refer to the person as what they are, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, fiance, friend, whatever. There comes a point where it just has to be done because at the end of the day titles are there for a reason. But I feel like titles are pressuring and sometimes overwhelming because now both parties feel obligated to do things. If we have a bond then lets relish in that bond and enjoy each others presence. Rushing to throw a title on things just complicates the process.
Of course when someone isn’t in a rush to make things “official” then you start to question the nature of their feelings. But what does a title really do besides display possessiveness and say “that’s mine”. If we both feel the same way and care for each other does a title make it more or less official? I’m pretty sure my independent mindset plays a huge role in this. I LOVE to be in relationships but I’m not with the extra-ness that comes with it. I don’t want to answer to anyone, report my every move, or have to think twice about what I do. I’m 21 and I’m not looking for someone to tie me down, I’m looking for someone that will enjoy life with me. Let’s build, grow, travel, and get the most out of our time on earth together.
Now, I’m not saying all of this with the intention of “I want my cake and eat it too”. From a guys perspective it’s like “she doesn’t like me, she wants to do her own thing, she’s afraid to commit” and that isn’t the case. My sketchy past with guys just has me in a place where I’m thinking differently, and trust me when I say I don’t have the time or energy to entertain multiple guys. And if you’re thinking I just want a f*ck buddy then think again because I can do without the sex. If we have a mutual understanding/trust and know where we stand in each others lives then what’s the big deal..
So, how is it that we can do relationship things but not want that title? It’s not about doing “relationship things but not wanting the title” it’s about valuing a relationship and wanting to keep it that way. I’ve seen long friendships and bonds ruined over making someone a boyfriend or girlfriend. For me, it’s not about the title, it’s what comes with it, and how we’ve ruined the concept of love and relationships overall. Do I want a husband one day? Yes, isn’t that the “norm” we’ve been told to follow anyway. I want a husband and the whole fairy tale loving husband and kids but I also want more than that. Once you give someone a “title” they sometimes become so focused on trying to fulfill that role that they forget about the actual relationship and that’s my biggest fear. The point I’m trying to make is we get so caught up on a label and what comes with it that we end up ruining perfect bonds. And don’t get me wrong, I’m more than open to relationships, so lets love each other while loving ourselves in the process. Society has ruined the terms boyfriend and girlfriend for me but it doesn’t mean I won’t have one. I prefer the foundation of a relationship over the validation of a title. Pressure may make diamonds but pressure of a title can also make for a bad relationship to sum all of this up.
Does that make sense? What do you guys think? Do relationships need a title? And do titles ruin things sometimes? Hop in the comments and tell me what you think. I came across this thread on twitter below that relates to what I’m saying. Please read this article (What Do You Want More – The Title Or The Relationship?) too if you’re still unsure of what I’m saying!!
Thanks for reading, Be Blessed & Stay Humble.