Can Men Handle an Independent Woman?

Is Dating an Independent Woman Out of The Equation for Men?

I don’t think it’s a question of “can” when it comes to men and independent women, instead it’s do men want to? Is there a difference between the way men treat independent and dependent women?

In speaking to a woman I know she was telling me how she recently had a conversation and the topic was men and the way they treat independent and dependent women. Some guys said to stroke the ego, another said that women who don’t have much are more appreciative (dependent women), while independent females want more than money but guys don’t seem to want to really give them time and effort. Women who can do for themselves get the short end of the stick; guys start off good and do everything to get them, but get them and then don’t do anything to keep her. All independent women want are dates etc., not money. Then I came across this video and knew I needed to share what I thought.

Okay, so here’s what I think, things like this can’t be generalized because it all comes down to men, their egos, current living situation, and preferences, etc.. Some can deal with an independent woman and add to what she brings to the table while others are insecure. Too much independence can make a man feel like he can’t play his role of wanting and needing to be the dominant partner because his woman is equal in regards to finances. Because that’s what this all is really about right? Money. Some men seek women who will rely on them and let them lead with finances but that can turn into control issues quickly. As in, this is mine, you stay with me, you don’t have anything if you leave but the shirt on your back.

I personally feel like within relationships everyone should have some level of independence. You should always have your own money, something to fall back on if things go left. A lot of men don’t like the idea of women being independent because she can up and leave when she isn’t happy vs a dependent woman who can’t leave because she’s depending on a man for so much. He can up and leave and leave her right where she’s at if he feels like it then what does she have? It happens. Then you have those who say if you go into a situation with the thought that things may end then you shouldn’t enter but that’s not being negative, it’s being smart. People change, feelings change, things happen, people pass away, etc. I rather be safe than sorry. Me and my man, husband, whatever can both work and have our own then come together but that doesn’t make him any less of a man. Leading and being dominant does not begin and end with money. Men want their egos stroked and to know that they can provide, they want their masculinity validated. They want to feel needed.

Listen here, I’m not losing my independence and would never encourage anyone else to lose or belittle their independence to make someone else feel needed. We don’t stroke egos around here. Either you’re going to be a man or you’re not, period. What I have in my pocket and bring to the table will only accompany what my man has and become ours and vice versa. Just because someone is independent does not mean they won’t ever need any help or need to depend on their partner for something. I need to be able to go to my man for guidance, or maybe he’s strong suited in something I know nothing about, etc. That’s what partnership is about, being able to pick up where your partner slacks. All of this who makes more and who has what is bullshit. If what you have really makes a man feel like less than a man then that isn’t the man for you. The problem is men feel like an independent woman won’t submit to them but until you put a ring on that finger you’re speaking a different language and it’s not even really about submission then, it’s a union. I can’t say don’t do wifely things for your boyfriend because within a relationship that’s what eventually happens within time if you really want the relationship to go anywhere; the rule is don’t do wifely duties for f*ckboys or someone you feel is undeserving. You want to know who you’re going to marry and what they’re capable of doing. Therefore you want to know if your man can lead (husband duties) and if your girl is capable of being your wife.

Let’s look at submitting for what it really is in biblical terms because submission is often confused with control; “A wife shows submission unto her husband when she allows him to take leadership in the relationship.  His position as leader is biblical (1 Corinthians 11:3).  Abraham’s wife, Sarah, is an example of a woman following her husband’s lead (1 Peter 3:6).  Sarah has never been confused with being a woman who was a frail doormat. Peter notes that she was not afraid in life. Submission should not be confused with a person being weak.

A submissive wife is not relegated to idly sitting by while her husband makes all the family decisions. In a healthy marriage, husband and wife work as a team. When a decision cannot be jointly agreed upon, the leader makes it, knowing he is responsible foremost unto God for that decision. In these circumstances or in a decision that the husband must make alone, a submissive wife is not overstepping her boundaries by offering counsel. She must learn to do it in a way that shows respect for his God-given position as head of the family. A submissive woman also offers abundant encouragement, understanding that making decisions is a heavy responsibility on a mans shoulders.

Some women are not satisfied with this. They want to be in charge. But realistically, marriage cannot work this way. Unity requires relational structure.  We see this pattern in other relationships. But submission is never a sign of value. Jesus submitted to the will of His Father (Matthew 26:39).  It would be heresy to say that Jesus is of lesser value than the Father. They are One, and Jesus cannot be of lesser value. His submission had nothing to do with His value—it had to do with God-ordained structure.  It is the same with husband and wife.”

A man is not meant to be controlling but to lead and there are many ways to lead within a relationship. In a relationship you should be able to depend on each other, it shouldn’t be a battle of who can depend on who more. The problem is everyone wants to make the rules, everyone is so focused on being the boss when in a relationship both people should have a voice within that relationship. Some men also need to make up their mind because they claim they don’t want an independent women but if a woman asks to get her hair or nails done or a bag, she’s a gold-digger and always has her hand out, or if she’s solely depending on you she’s a liability, so which is it? What do you really want? A man should be confident in what he brings to the table and who he is that it doesn’t matter what kind of women he’s dating whether she’s independent or dependent.

Men who seek women who will depend on them and avoid women who are independent in any way are control seekers. They are the type who want their egos stroked and to constantly feel like “the man.” They can’t handle a independent women and don’t want to because she will challenge his masculinity and make him feel insecure. It all comes down to the individual though. I will say that the vast majority of men don’t want women with no desire for autonomy or independence, especially in present times. But there are some men who want women who are submissive and not at all independent. Men whose sole purpose is to take care of a woman and buy her whatever her heart desires and she never has to lift a finger. They want women who will be housewives, and greet them when they come home from work, often after spending some of his money on something that is not a necessity. And that’s fine, to each its own because there are still plenty of women out who are living their lives with the sole purpose of getting an engagement ring, married, and then living comfortably on their husband’s money. It all comes down to relationship dynamics and what each person wants and will tolerate. Everything is all about establishing healthy boundaries and deciding what works for you.

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Published by breyanaa

If given the chance, everyone has a story to tell. My name is Breyana I'jae, I am a 25 year old Temple University Psychology graduate, blogger, visionary, artist, creator, self published author, mama, jack of all trades, and lover of many things. 
When I first started this blog in 2013 my goal was to share My Story in hopes of inspiring someone else, I didn't know where it would go, how people would perceive it or what to really do, I just know I lived by the motto, Uplift, Empower, & Inspire.

While those goals still remain my blog will now be a place to promote self-love and self-care but that's not all. Come take a look to see what it offers.

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