Being a mother comes with a huge responsibility. But being a mother to a Black Boy comes with a lot more. I now see why some people prefer tu-tu’s and bows because bow ties and suits are much harder to protect. We have shared a body for almost 7 months and as selfish as it sounds the thought of you not being in a place where I know you are safe and shielded from the cruel ways of the world frightens me. I am both scared and anxious, anxious to meet you and teach you all the things I know, scared because you overwhelm me in the best ways possible. I can teach you that skin color doesn’t matter but then I’d be lying because it does.
This is already a written apology because I’m sorry you’ll have to fight so hard to prove your worthiness, innocence, intelligence, and maybe even your humanity. It’s my purpose to set you up with the tools necessary for success regardless of race but along with that comes a mental book of unwritten rules for black men. Don’t wear a hoodie, don’t walk alone at night, and as much as you may want one don’t play with toy guns. It won’t matter what you have, who you are, what kind of family you come from, or how educated you are. It won’t matter what shade of Black you are, people will only see the color of your skin.
As your mother, it is up to me to help make sense of it all but how can I make sense of things I don’t even understand myself. But my son know this, you are a force. You are a force to be reckoned with and as much as I wish I could stand on the battle grounds with you at all times, I can only equip you with the tools to win. Know your history, but don’t let it hinder you from taking the risk on opportunities and chasing your dreams. Know that you are greatness even when the world may make you feel otherwise. Your skin is gold and beautifully enriched. And when you have conversations with other children of other ethnicities and realize their mother didn’t have this conversation with them, know that you are wonderfully made and never fear that you are different or don’t fit in because you are unique. I hope that you can enjoy all the gifts that life has to offer and I pray you never feel the pain of being judged because you “fit the description” or you don’t. It’s true, jobs may turn you down, people may treat you differently but you will be instilled with a confidence that can’t be shaken or rocked. I look at my brothers, my father, all the Black men in our family, all of the Black men I know, I look at your father, and it pains me a little each time they walk out the door because I can’t protect them. Their mother’s at one point had to tell them not to do certain things out of fear they wouldn’t make it home. I will want to hold you tight and never let you go out of fear that you my son will fall victim to another hashtag. But it’s not about what I can’t do, it’s about what I can.
It is my purpose to instill you with the greatest examples of love and nurturing and my boy you are loved beyond measures. With each kick to my abdomen you fill up a space I never knew needed to be filled. My only hope is that you will walk in your power and never let the world bring you to your knees unless you are praying to God. Do you realize how special you are? There are people who may dislike you because they want to be just like you. They want your hair, your melanin, your vernacular, you are already something spectacular. My little black boy, the world doesn’t know that you already have the knowledge, skill, confidence, and the highest level of self-love to lead the future. Or maybe they do and that’s what they fear. There is nothing barbaric or animalistic about you; know that not everyone is against you but we aware of those who are.
You are more than a color, you are not your skin but your skin will help mold you into who you are. You will be many things you will have your own personality, you will be you. And I will love you through all the world may put you through. I will love you when you’re sad, happy, and a little in between. I will teach you many things and hope I teach you enough to make the right decisions in life. I pray that when you are old enough to comprehend that the world is a lot more softer, less judgmental, and equality is actually equal. Most importantly, I pray that you will rise above and grow old and have your own family. I pray that my words comfort you and when my voice can no longer be heard, you can still hear all that I’ve spoken. You are more than history has made you out to be, you are my son, the son of a Queen, the one who will move mountains. When the world digs its claws in you, I will forever be your mother and the one you can lean on. It is my will to protect you to the best of my ability, and since I can’t do it physically, you will reign emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Everything you will ever need will be inside of you, you just have to work through life to find it. It breaks my heart to have to prepare you for the world in this way but you will be okay, believe in yourself; and when you have doubts I will be your number one supporter rooting for you.
Thanks for reading, Be Blessed & Stay Humble. As always Choose You Always!
Want to read on how I found out I was pregnant and some of my first trimester symptoms? Check out “Bit by The Baby Bug, Now What?” and “First Trimester – The I Still Can’t Believe It Stages of Pregnancy.“
Also be sure to read my first interview with a Mommy who shared her own experiences with motherhood “Discussing Motherhood with a Mommy with Attitude.”
Last but not least, being as though I am expecting and I am a soon to be mama, I had to represent for the little ones. You can now shop for baby clothes with me @mumstyledme on Instagram! Stay in the loop by following the blog Instagram @chooseyoualways.
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