Bonding With Your Baby While In The Womb


When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.” – Sophia Loren

As I progress in my weeks of pregnancy I’ve been looking for ways to bond with my baby while he’s still in the womb. I’ll be entering week 24 on Monday and figured it wouldn’t hurt to find more ways. The number one way of course is by talking. Babies start to hear sound around week 18, those sounds become more sensitive by week 24, and by weeks 25-26 they are able to respond to noises and voices by moving. As awkward as it may be to speak out loud to an empty room there’s a little person who can hear when you speak and feel when you press on your stomach. I’ve been finding some cool ways to bond and wanted to share for those who may be looking for some too. Everyone doesn’t automatically form a connection with their baby for various reasons; pregnancy circumstances differ, they be feeling overwhelmed and haven’t had the time to bond, some have experienced loss and find it hard to think positively about their pregnancy. Whatever the reason may be, people bond with their babies on their own time and pace, for some it may not happen until after birth and that is perfectly fine. For those who wish to work on building a bond with their baby while still in the womb, here are a few ways to try.

  • Massage your bump: as you get further along in your pregnancy you’re likely to start feeling movement that are much more distinct from the flutters you may have been feeling. I remember feeling the little flutters and wondering how a real kick would feel until one day I was like “oh yeah, he definitely just kicked me” and further along I was able to actually see my stomach move. It’s a wonderful feeling and an amazing experience to have a little person living inside of you. I’ve found that simply placing my hand on my stomach or massaging it with oil, creams, body butters, etc. can get a reaction out of my baby. From there you can play around and press on the area lightly to see if he/she will move more.
    • Respond to your baby’s movement: This may be the closest you feel to your baby when he/she moves as I mentioned, place your hand at that spot or around your stomach to encourage more movement.
  • Sing, read, and talk to your baby: It may be awkward at first when you attempt to communicate with your baby because they can’t respond and you can’t see him or her but you know they’re there. It’ll eventually get easier I assume as you begin to feel more comfortable. Hearing your voice helps your baby become more attached to you and allows them to recognize your voice amongst others once they are born. Reading stories are also a great way, it’s never too early to grab those baby books and read. I also found a cool site where you can put your baby’s name and it will personalize a few stories about the adventures you’ll have when the baby is born (Personalised Stories For Your Bump). It’s convenient if you don’t have any books yet and want to read to your baby.
    • Top 10 books to read to your baby even in the womb:
      • Oh Baby! The Places You’ll Go – Dr. Seuss
      • Pat the Bunny – Dorothy Kunhardt
      • Where The Wild Things Are – Maurice Sendak
      • The Cat in The Hat – Dr. Seuss
      • Where The Sidewalk Ends – Shel Silverstein
      • Hop on Pop – Dr. Seuss
      • Love You Forever – Robert Munsch
      • Goodnight Moon – Margaret Wise Brown
      • Mama, Do You Love Me? – Barbara M. Joose
      • Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? – Bill Martin Jr.
    • All of these can be found on Amazon or online for low prices and I’m sure your local library carries most, if not all. There are tons of baby books out in the world that your baby may love. Most people ensure that they have the Dr. Seuss collection, I had those and a million Disney books as a child, reading is fundamental.
  • Try yoga: The best time to start is within your second trimester, it helps with practicing breathing, learning your body, and relaxing, allowing you to feel and become more in touch with your baby.
  • Keep your Ultrasound Photo close by: Seeing your ultrasound picture is a constant reminder that you are growing a human and they are connected to you in several ways, physically being number one.
  • Help Dad and family members bond too: Allowing other people to talk to your baby and feel him/her move is also a way to bond with not only your baby but those people as well. You and baby get to feel closer to each other and those who are involved in the journey.
  • Make/Have a Keepsake: If you crochet or knit, make a blanket or some type of clothing in preparation for birth. A keepsake can be anything from a photo or something you feel a connection with that you’ve created or brought while thinking of your baby. Some people do belly cast for this reason.
  • Take Bump Photos: Taking photos of your growing belly is not only a way to track growth but to help yourself recognize that you are indeed nourishing and growing a baby. If you’d like to track your weeks by belly size there’s an app I like to use called “BabyPicsFree” you can place little sayings and weeks that include the size of your baby on pictures.
  • Track your pregnancy: Since technology has become so useful I like to use apps that give you information on your baby depending on how far along you are. The apps I use have new information everyday in regards to your pregnancy and can be very informative and interesting. I use “Glow Nurture” (this app has something called “community” where you can see posts other expecting mom’s and mom’s have made and different groups depending on where you are in your journey. It’s not only for expecting mothers but for those who may be trying to conceive, have experienced loss, etc. it’s a cool app). I also use “BabyCenter” “The Bump”, and “OviaPregnancy” but my go-to is Glow. They all offer different things which is why I have so many but one is enough. Pregnancy journals are good also! I’m still looking for a good one myself, there’s nothing like physically writing and tracking your experience.
  • Take Care of yourself: By taking care of you, you take care of your baby. Slow down and allow time to relax and collect yourself and your thoughts. There’s a lot to do before a baby comes but that doesn’t mean you have to stress yourself and do it all in one day. Pregnancy requires rest, your body is experiencing a lot physically, emotionally, and mentally. Stay hydrated and well rested, don’t overexert yourself and don’t be afraid to accept help when it’s offered. Growing a human can be hard, pregnancy comes with a lot of worries and doubts and overall feelings; talking about how you feel or writing it down is a sure way to lift some of those worries or make you feel better.

Some of you may be asking “What if I tried and still don’t feel connected to my baby?” If you don’t feel like you are bonding with your baby don’t beat yourself up about it, it takes a while for some to experience those feelings. On BellyBelly’s Facebook page a while back, a mother asked the following question:

I’m currently 35 weeks pregnant, and I feel awful for even admitting this… but is it normal to not feel connected to your baby? I’ve done everything suggested to build a bond, but I just don’t feel it yet. It’s not that I’m not excited to have a baby, but she was unplanned, and my fiancé and I are struggling financially. It’s just extremely overwhelming. Is there more I should be doing to build the connection? I’ve shopped, set up the nursery, I talk to her every day and play with her when I feel her kicking. I’m just not sure what else to do.”

Here are a few great responses thanks to some of their Facebook fans:

I think the fact that you are concerned shows a mother instinct in itself. Maybe try not to worry so much and go with the flow. Sometimes it just takes time to feel the connection. Don’t push yourself to feel it or put any pressure on yourself. Added in the factor of financial strain and timing of unplanned its bound to be a difficult transition for you. Be gentle on yourself xxxx” — Jan Holly

You’re connecting with her and you don’t realize it. I had the same issue when I was pregnant, but I didn’t give up or lose hope. The day I went into labour and gave birth to my baby, he heard my voice and looked right up to me with his glowing glossy eyes. He knew who I was… and if he could have, he would have smiled, gave me a hug or a wet kiss. I know he would of. Continue to talk and play with her. And make sure daddy does to. She’s excited to meet you guys. And she can’t wait to be blessed into the world!” — I’beez Mona

I actually felt anxious after I gave birth, because my connection with my daughter still wasn’t there or what I thought it would be. It took a couple weeks to feel it, and now my daughter is 5 weeks old and I can’t imagine my life without her. It will come soon and you will look back wondering how you ever could not feel bonded to your little one.” — Kelli Britton

Postnatal depression robbed me of the ability to cherish the early days and months with our baby. I didn’t have that instant bond/love at first sight that people talk about. It took me until about 3 months to fall in love with him, but it did happen. Be patient with yourself, the connection will come. Hugs to you, it’s a tough road to travel.” — Carla Groth

Thanks for reading, be sure to check out my first interview with a fellow Mommy on her experience with motherhood – “Discussing Motherhood with a “Mommy With Attitude

Related Post:

Last but not least, being as though I am expecting and I am a soon to be mama, I had to represent for the little ones. You can now shop for baby clothes with me @mumstyledme on Instagram! Be sure to follow the blog page on Instagram @chooseyoualways and my personal page @breyanaijae_

Be sure to subscribe to the blogs monthly newsletter!

Thanks for reading, Be Blessed & Stay Humble. As always Choose You Always!

Discussing Motherhood with A “Mommy with Attitude”

adreena-script-font“Journeying Through Motherhood”

Desirae: A Mommy With Attitude

Deciding to create a comfy corner on the blog to fill with exciting advice, experiences, tips, stories, and anything helpful I come across as I journey to childbirth and beyond has been one of my greatest ideas. This is a place for expectant mothers and mother’s to come and feel empowered and ready to take on the world. Even if you aren’t expecting or a mother just yet, and just starting your research on what it’s like and what you need to know, you’ve come to the right place! Instead of having several tabs open on Google just stop on by and take a seat.

Today, I’ve had the pleasure of taking a seat with Desirae, a long time friend and Mommy With Attitude who’s created a spot on the web for Mommy’s to be inspired. She’s sharing her experiences of motherhood and lending an ear with a motto of “Inspiring and uplifting the overlooked superhero aka Mommy.”

Me: You refer to yourself as the original “Mommy with Attitude” and that’s what you’ve decided to call your brand “MWA: Mommies With Attitude”. What inspired you to start an Instagram page geared towards Mommy’s. Do you plan to take it further than Instagram? Can we expect a blog (website) in the future maybe?

Desirae: I think what initially made me start my Instagram page was one day I was thinking about all the things that I’ve been through as a mom so far and how much more I’m going to go through and I felt like I was alone, like I was crazy for feeling the way I feel. But I realized I wasn’t alone then I started doing some research on moms dealing with issues aside from postpartum and it’s sooo much that doesn’t get acknowledged publicly I figured why not make it public.

Me: What can we expect to find on your page?

Desirae: I can’t really say what exactly to expect but it’ll range anywhere from stories to pep talks, some words of wisdom, and contests giveaways. I don’t really want to give away too much you’ll just have to watch and see.

Me: You’re a Mommy yourself; your son will be one soon right? How does it feel to have grown and nurtured a little human so far?

Desirae: Yup, my baby will be 1 in April and I’m still amazed at it all. It all happened so quick it feels like I was just pushing him out now he is his own little person with his own personality and it’s still hard to believe that he’s mine.

Me: How did you feel when you first found out you were pregnant? The emotions are real, how did you react?

Desirae: Honestly I was so upset I was 22 and felt like I was still too young and my sons father was no where ready to be a father. I had two different sources confirm it and each time I balled my eyes out.

Me: So far, what would you say your favorite part about being a Mom is?

Desirae: Best part about being a mom is waking up next to my son and seeing his little face smiling, that and hearing his laugh goes neck and neck.

Me: What advice can you give to someone who is about to have their first child and mother’s in general? What are some things we may encounter?

Desirae: Research. Research, read, and search for everything you want to know about your baby. Talk to other moms but make sure the decision you make is what’s best for your baby and that it’s comfortable for you. You’re going to go through so many things it’s too much to name just don’t panic remain calm. Whatever it is you got this. I’ve seen that breastfeeding is the number 1  struggle it just takes a lot of patience and reading, anyone can breastfeed don’t let the doctor tell you, you can’t.

Me: It takes a lot to raise a child, go to work, and do whatever else it is that needs to be done. But Mommy’s also want to have fun every now and then. How do you juggle life, work, creating new content, etc.?

Desirae: This is one of my toughest battles I’m actually working on some content pertaining to this. But anyway I’m learning to utilize my support system when I need some time to unwind or just some “me” time or time to work on new content. I rarely go out so it’s really not much to juggle in my social life.

Me: I feel like self-care is really important, especially for mothers who may definitely need a break from running around like crazy. What kind of self-care techniques do you use to refrain from becoming overwhelmed? Most importantly, what do you do to relax and get your mental together?

Desirae: There isn’t much that will keep you from getting overwhelmed. But I take long baths with candles and music, write down my thoughts, organize my week in my planner, that’s my idea of relaxing.

Me: What’s the transition like? You went from being someone’s child to someone’s parent. How long does it take to get used to the idea? Because I’m almost 6 months pregnant myself and some days it’s still a shock and takes adjusting.

Desirae: Realizing that I was going to be someone parents and not just the middle child anymore was a hard one for me. I’m still not really used to it and neither is my mom.

Me: How did your pregnancy go? Did you have morning sickness or any complications? Did you have any food cravings?

Desirae: My pregnancy was okay I spent majority of it in the house eating baked potatoes and French fries both with cheese and a side of orange, either it was juiced or whole. And at 39wks I had to get induced because I wasn’t feeling any movement so the doctor gave me a stress test and BOOM 15hrs later my son was here.

Me: Reflecting back on the person you were in your teenage years and even before pregnancy. How would you say being a mother has changed that?

Desirae: I used to be a hot head so quick to pop off on somebody and now I have to ask myself if the situation is that deep? Is it harmful to me or my son? Does is take anything away from me and by then nothing matters anymore.

Me: What’s the hardest thing about motherhood?

Desirae: Self doubt is the hardest thing because you’re going to always feel like you’re not doing enough or you could’ve gotten more, always second guessing yourself when in all reality you’re doing great.

Me: What were your thoughts about labor before you gave birth? Did you have a birth plan (natural, medicated, etc.)?

Desirae: I was a “no medication all natural” mom well at least that’s what I planned on but I ended up getting induced and when those contractions hit back to back and they have to go in and break your water for you, not getting an epidural was out of the question.

Me: We all worry and motherhood increases that worry 10x. What’s your biggest worry about your son’s future? And as a mother, what’s your biggest fear about the journey of motherhood?

Desirae: You ever heard the poem “ I don’t play about son son “ by maui w? That poem literally describes my wants and my fears regarding my son future growing up a black man in America and I fear that I won’t teach him enough and that he won’t feel comfortable enough to come and talk to me about whatever he has on his mind .

Me: One thing you never had that you want for you kid/kid(s) if you choose/want to have more in the future?

Desirae: I want my son to have travel experience. I traveled a little growing up but I never been to Disney or overseas so I am patiently waiting for my son to turn 1 so we can be out.

Me: How important do you think it is for new mothers and mothers in general to have support through pregnancy and motherhood?

Desirae: It’s very important to have support as new mothers we seek guidance from mother new and experienced. We look for comfort in people for our own well being we may not need help with the baby.

Me: You’re in a crowded store with a full cart and your baby starts throwing a tantrum. What do you do?

Desirae: The patience I have with this kid are immaculate so I might try to figure out what’s wrong with him and calm him down or I may just give him a snack to calm him.

Me: What do you and your son do for fun being as though he’s still young? How do you bond and strengthen your relationship?

Desirae: My sons idea of fun is anything that has him going in the air.. I toss him up in the air sometimes, he likes to be spun around and he likes when his father and I act like animals (literally). But the thing that I think strengthens our relationship is when I talk/sing to him he looks at me like he’s just taking it all in one of the best feelings.

Me: Did/Do you breastfeed, bottle-feed, or both? Why or why not?

Desirae: I  breast and bottle feed, I breastfed for 6months strong and then I realized my milk slowed down once I went back to work so I started giving him formula (enfamil). I was upset at first but now I’m looking into ways to help increase my milk supply .

Me: Anything else you want to share about pregnancy or motherhood? Advice, tips, etc.?

Desirae: To all my fellow #MommiesWithAttitude  It’s okay to mess up, it’s okay not to be okay, it’s okay to want alone time. You are human .

Thanks for allowing me to peek into your life! Drop your socials so we can be sure to follow you.

Instagram : MWA_formommiesonly

Latest Post:

Note that my first two self-published books are still available for purchase. You can find reviews and product information on my site ( while you’re there you can also take a look at the accompanying products. Be sure to stay in the loop by following @chooseyoualways on Instagram.

Secondly, a third book is in the making and set to release soon, my first urban novel. If you haven’t already read the snippets, click below.

Last but not least, being as though I am expecting and I am a soon to be mama, I had to represent for the little ones. You can now shop for baby clothes with me @mumstyledme on Instagram!

Be sure to subscribe to the blogs monthly newsletter!

Thanks for reading, Be Blessed & Stay Humble. As always Choose You Always!

Fatherhood Is Important Too!

I‘ve been noticing that a lot of things are geared towards mothers and motherhood. Of course mother’s are always in the limelight because they carry the child and are nurturing beings. While the role of parenting may be evenly split in some households, in most the mothers are the ones who cook, clean, and take care of the children in terms of diapering, feeding, etc. While the father’s are the ones who provide financially and put food on the table. There are distinct roles that mothers and fathers have and different things that one may provide that the other can’t emotionally, mentally, and overall. Women are known to be strong in areas such as detail-orienting and multi-tasking so she’d be the one to focus on things such as laundry or chore scheduling for example. A father would be the one to act as the authority figure, protector, and disciplinary in certain situations. Fathers don’t focus too much on feeding, clothing/dressing, and other things that require detail because that’s usually what Mom does. Father’s like to play with the kids and challenge them in different areas like strength. Father’s do a lot, it’s the relationship and parenting style of BOTH parents that effect how and what a child values and cherish as they grow older. Relationships with both parents have a huge impact on children and most times as adults people can recall something each parent instilled in them that they cherish or effected them both good and bad.

I’m here to point out that fatherhood is just as important as motherhood. When people think about bonding with an infant an image of a mother and its child automatically pops into their head most times. Mother’s are held more accountable because well… she’s a mother or in other words their are higher expectations for mothers. But here’s the thing, fathers are fathers for a reason. The reasoning being they are just as important! Especially those who sometimes have no choice but to take on the role of a mother when a mother isn’t present or vice versa. Parents are really important.

A father’s approach to parenting always differs from a mother’s, men and women bring different strengths, weaknesses, and styles in general, but especially when it comes to parenting. Women like I said are nurturing beings, in various ways we are more understanding, more soft, more womanly, so of course it would make sense for a women to hold the role that she does in parenting vs a father. A woman’s emotional attachment in a lot of cases may be stronger or more apparent while Dad is more laid back and may not dig as deep. Mom’s are the peacemakers and this is why sometimes a Dad may say she’s being “too soft” on the child. Dad’s are more intent on teaching a lesson vs making the problem disappear. The main difference comes down to support vs discipline. You can get both from each parent but certain things come more naturally to mothers and certain things come more naturally to fathers. In a healthy relationship between mother and father, whatever the parenting style may be and the roles each may have because they can easily be reversed or switched, it’s important for parents to support one another through parenthood and provide that balance of love, support (in all aspects), and discipline.

Overall, father’s have a great impact on their children just as much as mothers do. For girls, as they grow older they will tend to look for characteristics of their father in men or be attracted to those type of men subconsciously. A girl looks to her father to set the standard of who she should be dating and without that guidance she sometimes goes down the wrong path and ends up with the wrong man. Guys on the other hand may model themselves after their father, I know we’ve all heard a lot of young boys say “I want to be like my Dad when I grow up.” They look for approval and acceptance from their father before they look to their mother and more than likely copy whatever behavior. If a father was abusive or controlling, 9/10 the son will grow up and possess a lot of those characteristics or similar, the same goes for if that behavior is good. What a father does and how they project themselves in front of their children is really important. A father teaches his children things that a mother may not have experience with and vice versa. Children are impressionable so what they see and hear their parents do plays a role in everything.

Children who are well-bonded and loved by involved fathers, tend to have less behavioral problems, and are somewhat inoculated against alcohol and drug abuse. Yet when fathers are less engaged, children are more likely to drop out of school earlier, and to exhibit more problems in behavior and substance abuse. Research indicates that fathers are as important as mothers in their respective roles as caregivers, protectors, financial supporters, and most importantly, models for social and emotional behavior. Your child’s primary relationship with his/her father can affect all of your child’s relationships from birth to death, including those with friends, lovers, and spouses. Those early patterns of interaction with father are the very patterns that will be projected forward into all relationships…forever more: not only your child’s intrinsic idea of who he/she is as he/she relates to others, but also, the range of what your child considers acceptable and loving – Dr. Gail Gross.

If a father isn’t present that impacts a child as well, it may effect their behavior, school work, and overall life and how they view things. It is said that children with involved, caring fathers have better educational outcomes. Some use the absence of their father as fuel to do better for their own children, while some follow in the same direction and choose not to be involved. The influence of a father’s involvement extends into young adulthood and beyond. A father’s role shouldn’t be as underrated as it is because our parental relationships have an impact on our emotional, social, and cognitive development. Children without a positive fatherly role often times turn to the wrong lifestyle. While mothers often do their best to raise and mold a child, there are just some things that a father has to do. While their are a lot of single mothers (mothers who have no support from the father) it is hard for women to raise children alone and especially hard for a women to raise a boy because he needs a father figure for various things. As much as some hate to admit, father’s are important and 10/9 the relationship your child does or does not have with their biological father or mother will have an impact on them. Sometimes step-parents may ease those impacts or lingering thoughts as to why that relationship doesn’t exist or is the way it is but to an extent it always has an impact. Some people, especially guys, who don’t/didn’t have that fatherly figure are able to thrive in life and teach themselves how to be a man.

The expectations for fathers are high too if you think about it. They are looked at as providers and protectors in most cases; they have to take care of the household and make sure that there are clothes and food for the children to begin with. Women can/do also provide but it’s something that has become necessary of men, it’s instilled in them from birth to have that motive to take care of their families financially, physically, and still making room to dedicate emotional and mental support. Parenting is not an easy task but it should be a group effort, support your partner and even if you aren’t together you should still support the mother/father of your child/children when necessary. In present days people are too focused on the wrong things and let their feelings get in the way of good parenting. Think about your children and provide a good mental, emotional, and physical environment for them to thrive in. If you are doing things on your own and you are a single parent (no support from the child’s mom or dad) kudos to you! I commend you. But to all parents, keep doing your best and recognize that what you do and don’t do may not necessarily impact you, but it will impact your child.

Latest Post:

Note that my first two self-published books are still available for purchase. You can find reviews and product information on my site ( while you’re there you can also take a look at the accompanying products. Be sure to stay in the loop by following @chooseyoualways on Instagram.

Secondly, a third book is in the making and set to release soon, my first urban novel. If you haven’t already read the snippets, click below.

Last but not least, being as though I am expecting and I am a soon to be mama, I had to represent for the little ones. You can now shop for baby clothes with me @mumstyledme on Instagram!

Be sure to subscribe to the blogs monthly newsletter!

Thanks for reading, Be Blessed & Stay Humble. As always Choose You Always!

The Ex Baggage

adreena-script-fontHey guys welcome back to the blog! I recently posted about why women may be attracting damaged/broken men, but what if women are the ones who are broken in the relationship? Is it the same or is it different?

For me, I never realized how broken I was after a break up until I attempted to start dating or otherwise “having my fun” as I like to call it. Before we even jump in take note that people become broken or damaged for different reasons, some stem from parental issues as we’ve discussed and others had their hearts broken due to relationships. Sometimes we don’t realize how much impact a relationship had on us until it’s over. I’m not ashamed or too prideful to say I’ve lost myself in loving others.

How do you know if you’re broken? When you find that you turn to unhealthy ways of coping for ex: drinking, smoking, having sex with multiple people, etc. then you may be having trouble dealing with your feelings. For me, I became uninterested in relationships and developed a nonchalant attitude towards love and guys in general. I took a backseat in my own life and watched it unfold. I watched myself make both good and bad decisions, I was somewhere deep inside myself, scared, confused, I was hurt. I wasn’t myself and I felt it yet I was not making the decisions I would usually make. I had withdrawn myself, allowed myself not to feel, not to care, but to only experience. But I wasn’t experiencing anything that was beneficial to my emotional or mental health. I was being careless with my emotions, being careless with my body. I knew I was lost when I asked myself “What am I doing?” “Why am I doing this?” and the person who responded was not me. I was in a space where I was trying to find myself, I was trying to grow but at the same time I kept pushing myself back down. Vulnerability became my best friend; You think you have your guard up but really it’s ready to come down for anybody you think can give you what you’ve been missing. Do you know how easy it is to fall when you were never that high up to begin with?

I was my downfall, I had been fighting for everything and everyone besides myself and most importantly I had not given myself enough time to deal with my emotions from my past relationship. It took me a while to get over my ex and after dealing with a few people I got into a relationship a few months later. That wasn’t nearly enough time to heal but the new guy, he was cool, he fell for me quick and I sort of made the decision off the fact that we were already doing relationship things. I knew I didn’t want to be in a relationship, I voiced this to him for quite some time, told him I didn’t want to put a title on anything, I wasn’t ready. After a while I felt sort of forced, I met his siblings, I started getting introduced to his family, he told me he loved me, so we made it official. So how did that ex baggage effect my new relationship? I entered with one foot in and one foot out and the guy would always tell me that and I would laugh it off and say I wasn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I loved him as time passed but my love was of comfortability. I became familiar, I became comfortable but I wasn’t in it the way that I should have been. Because I didn’t allow myself to fully heal from my past I couldn’t dedicate myself the same way he dedicated himself to me. I can admit that I was wrong on a lot of levels but I went in with the mindset that my feelings would grow and I would eventually get over my ex but that’s not how it happened. I eventually got tired of trying to force feelings or better yet wait around for them to form so I called it quits. The relationship wasn’t perfect, he had his baggage just like I did, but he was a good guy and treated me well but he wasn’t for me.

So guys, sometimes it is us and sometimes it’s you. Shit, we’re all just trying to find ourselves and heal, and often times we hurt people in the process. It’s true “hurt people, hurt people“, I’m not perfect, I never was and never plan to be. We will always make mistakes but I’ve made amends with my past and I’ve grown enough to take responsibility for what I’ve done throughout my life, both good and bad. It’s possible to care for people but sometimes you can’t love them how they wish or deserve to be loved and when you realize that, get out of their way and let someone else come along and give them that love. Someone who is not over their past can never fully do right by you or dedicate themselves 100%. They will always be one foot in and one foot out trying to gain that closure and trying to allow themselves to move on. Or sometimes, part of them wants to move on while 9/10 the other half of their heart wants to make it work or try again with that person. Other times, it’s all of those things together. That’s the thing, getting over people isn’t easy and will leave you with a million different emotions, on a million different days.

If you feel that someone is not in the relationship the way that you are, 9/10 you’re right. Don’t ignore your gut feeling for a love you think you have or better yet for a love that you crave. We crave love so much that sometimes we force ourselves to think things are what they aren’t. We ignore signs, give benefit of the doubts, etc. People who are broken will often use you until you have nothing else to offer, and two broken people in a relationship are often a recipe for disaster in the long run. I was once a broken woman, I’ve talked to broken women, sadly it’s become a part of life. There’s a constant battle between people losing and finding themselves.

Signs That You’re Dating A Damaged/Emotionally Unavailable Woman:

  • She’s casual about relationships
  • She just got out of a relationship (you’re a rebound bro)
  • She’s available when it’s convenient for her
  • She craves attention all the time (she may even be slightly crazy, that’s not a good thing btw.)
  • They don’t want to commit (she may literally tell you a relationship isn’t what she wants or hint towards it)
  • You may feel like you’ve won the jackpot (You’re like “she’s the one” but is she really?)
  • Jealousy (just because she can’t love you 100% doesn’t mean someone else can, looking through your phone, checking your socials, etc)

This list doesn’t even complete the characteristics that broken people embody. People react off of their internal pain differently. Here’s the thing, just because people are damaged doesn’t mean you should automatically write them off. People love differently. Sometimes we encounter people at different phases of our journey and the person who hurt you may have met you at a time where they weren’t necessarily ready to move on from a certain phase in their life.

People who have been broken ultimately love the hardest when they meet someone capable of making them fall in love. You know why? Because once we’ve moved on from the ex baggage stage we have standards, we’ve learned to love ourselves and yes 10/9 we will still have trust issues, we will be guarded, we may be scared to commit or share too much of ourselves but that’s because most of us have stayed in situations, trying until we lost everything including our minds, dignity, and self. Women are not the only ones who fight for their relationships and overstay their welcome, men do too. And we may not love perfectly but our love is genuine because we don’t want anything from you, but you. We love differently because we know our worth, we know our strength, we seek substance, and appreciate the little things. Dating someone who has experienced life is never easy, but that’s the thing we’ve all been through some things. The bad part is you don’t always know who has your best interest at heart because there are those who are still journeying through their hurt (the hurt people who will hurt you) and those who have completed their journey and are ready to try again at this thing called love.

Be sure to check out the post before this: “Why Do You Attract The Damaged Ones?”

Note that my first two self-published books “Heartbreaks & Heartaches” and “Finding YOUrself – The Road to Self-Love & Discovery” are still available for purchase. You can find reviews and product information on my site ( while you’re there you can also take a look at the accompanying products. Be sure to stay in the loop by following @chooseyoualways on Instagram.

Secondly, a third book is in the making and set to release soon, my first urban novel. If you haven’t already read the snippets, click below.

Last but not least, being as though I am expecting and I am a soon to be mama, I had to represent for the little ones. You can now shop for baby clothes with me @mumstyledme on Instagram!

Be sure to subscribe to the blogs monthly newsletter!

Thanks for reading, Be Blessed & Stay Humble. As always Choose You Always!

Why Do You Attract The Damaged Ones?


I’ve had about three serious relationships throughout my life. As they ended I used to joke that I only attracted men with parental issues until my last relationship ended and I realized it was beginning to be a serious problem. It got to the point where I found myself questioning why this was. Was I attracted to damaged men? What was it about me that attracted those types to me? I even resorted to google trying to find answers. “Why do I attract damaged guys?” “Why I attract men with abandonment issues?” “Why I attract men with mommy issues” “Why toxic men are attracted to me” and the list goes on. I couldn’t find too many answers until I realized I had to figure out some things about myself first and foremost.

When meeting someone new and starting the process to establishing a relationship it’s never said “hey, my relationship with my parents might effect our relationship” or “hey, my past has really fucked me up so expect to see that baggage appear” these are things that you eventually see as the relationship progresses and you begin to dissect the nature of their past and relationships with their family.

With my first serious relationship we were together for almost 2 and a half years and it was smooth sailing until about the last 8 months or so where I could start to see how his relationship with his parents was beginning to effect ours. That coupled with the stress of college really put a strain on our communication and he would tell me how stressed he was and how he felt about their relationships. His mother didn’t raise him and his father wasn’t around so it weighed on him heavy, she was around but she wasn’t the motherly figure that he needed and wanted. He held on to things that took place in the past and the fact that she wasn’t around in the manner that he would have liked. Of course I tried to be of support and be there for him but he pushed me away to spare me of taking on his stress but what he didn’t realize was pushing me away brought on its own stress. As much as it pained me to let go I was losing myself in the process of loving him so I had to do what was best for me and my happiness.

My second serious relationship came about over a year after I called it quits with my first and to be honest I still wasn’t over him but I moved on thinking that would help me get over him. Yet and still I agreed to make it official with the guy I was seeing, things were cool at first then I found out I was again dating someone with parental issues. By the time we met his mom lived in another state and while they communicated here and there she was dealing with her own problems so I never got the chance to meet her and their relationship was a tad bit rocky. He lived with his father but their relationship wasn’t what you would call all that great but they were working on it I suppose. Like my first relationship, this one had its times where his past and parental relationships had its effect on how things played out. A month or two before we would have made a year together I called it quits again. The relationship wasn’t what I wanted, I no longer wanted the responsibility of being that source of support and I wasn’t in love the way I should have been so I felt he deserved someone who could love him in the way he deserved to be loved.

“Damn, I wonder why I never learned my lesson. It’s feeling like the second chance and its the first impression
And I heard it’s nothing new except for someone new. But how you supposed to find the one when anyone will come with you
Talking to myself but I never listen. Cause man it’s been a while, and I swear that this ones different.

That’s why I’mma take you anywhere you wanna go. Let you meet my friends so they can lecture me again about
How reckless I have been. And I’m slowly running out of all the time that I invest in. Making all the same mistakes
And I swear I’m just trying to correct it. And I fall…” – Drake, Fall For Your Type.

I met my third serious partner right after and things progressed quickly, I fell in love fast and things were good. As time passed it became clear things were starting to become a pattern. His mother didn’t raise him, father wasn’t around.

I felt just like Steve Harvey in this gif but it wasn’t until the relationship hit rock bottom that I realized how much of an effect his parental relationships really played on what transpired throughout our relationship. Sometimes people only experience the mental backlash of unhealthy relationships i.e my first and second relationships. With this one commitment issues arose from it so I was introduced to lies, cheating, and again, hurt. Now, let’s not blame those parental relationships for everything because obviously various things play a role into why people make the decisions they do but it indeed played a role in all three of these relationships.

So here I was left confused as hell wondering why and how the hell I kept encountering the SAME type of men. I felt like Drake always falling for the same type. Then it hit me, I’m the fixer and helper type. I stayed in relationships attracting the same type of men, men who needed to be fixed. Men who had a past that effected their present. A lot of women are in the same position, attracting emotionally damaged and unavailable men, cheating men, those scared of commitment, etc. We attract the ones whose pieces are all over the place and for some reason we feel reliable to help put those pieces back together. And then it hit me, I never gave myself time to actually question why it was I felt compelled to pick up someone else’s broken pieces without first fixing my own. I kept running full force without a second thought for others, putting someone else’s worthiness before my own and each time I failed and ended up being the one hurt. So why did I attract these type of men? Because in my heart I felt that I could fix them, like they needed someone like me to make them realize they could be happy and overcome their past, and that’s why I always stuck around until I felt I couldn’t. People like me get in relationships and want to be that source of support not realizing how much it’s effecting us when there’s no balance between helping someone else and helping yourself. We put our happiness into this person and while we may think we are happy within ourselves when that relationship ends we feel broken inside, like we’ve lost our source of happiness.

That’s a selfless woman for you, a woman who will give every ounce of her last to fill you up but if you have someone who is not interested in filling you back up then you will always remain empty and broken. As women we have to get out of this mindset that we will be that woman, the one to change his life and get him on the right path. If we’re dating a cheater we feel like “I’ll be the one to make him loyal” if we’re dating someone with emotional baggage then it becomes “I’ll be the one to make him get over his past” failing to realize that you can’t change a person with years of problems. Only a person who is interested in changing themselves will change themselves. Then we blame or question ourselves when they fail to change “What could I have done differently?”, “What’s wrong with me?” and it’s simple, nothing. You can’t beat yourself up over something you had no control over, you haven’t failed anyone but if you continue on the same path trying to fix broken men, you will only fail yourself.

After journeying through my hurt and confusion I realized that for women like me, we attract these men because it’s only through encountering these types that we come to see the difference between selflessness and selfishness. And we all deserve time to be selfish, that’s what they make clear, it’s okay to be selfish. They make us open our eyes to the things that needs to be done within ourselves, and that it’s time to really practice self love and work on truly loving ourselves. We need to stop focusing on picking up other people’s pieces and put ourselves back together first, make sure that we are whole. We need a healthy balance and know that it’s okay to say “I love you, but I love me more and I am not obligated to put myself on the line to do a job that I shouldn’t be tasked with.” It is not our responsibility to fix someone’s past and we are not responsible for anyone’s happiness but our own. Yes, women are nurturing beings but it isn’t your girlfriends or wife’s job to do something that should have been done by your mother. Damaged men are usually attracted to women they hold to a high standard, the ones they see have a lot going on for themselves. The independent type, it’s something about a woman who carries herself a certain way that they want. Then we have the type who go for those with low self esteem, low self-worth etc. that they know they can keep manipulating and sometimes women are both. You can be a great women but there may be parts of you that need work that you may not realize until you constantly encounter the same type of people and you realize a change needs to take place within yourself.

Reclaim your time and emotional investment by pouring love and energy back into yourself. Become content with knowing that you can’t save the world and it’s not your job to fix anyone. Trust me, being in a relationship you want to be everything that person wants and needs but not to the extent that you’re hurting yourself in the process and subjecting yourself to a relationship that eventually becomes unhealthy. Don’t force yourself to stay in a space that doesn’t bring you happiness because you are trying to be that source of happiness. We all have to journey through life and just like you have to put yourself back together when you become broken, start tasking men with doing their own emotional work. You can be of support but develop a balance between the work you do for yourself vs the work you’re doing for someone else. Stop putting your emotional, physical, and mental health at risk for a relationship that may not help you in the way you’ve helped it. So how do you find that balance? I can’t exactly tell you because our journeys and destination won’t be the same but loving yourself enough to know what you will and won’t do and what you will and won’t accept is the first step. Sometimes you have to take a step back and allow people to pick up their own pieces, you can and should only be doing but so much, learn when it’s time to take that step back. It’s hard to find that balance when you’re so used to helping people and wanting to help but when it starts to hurt you while doing so, that’s your sign to stop. If you have to ask yourself what you’re getting in return after you’ve already poured so much of yourself into this person, that’s your sign to stop. I’m not saying you have to walk away but be wise enough to know when you need to shift your focus unto yourself. As parents there needs to be a better job of molding children into adults who don’t need to recover from their past.

Reasons Damaged Men May Be Drawn To You:

  • Simply put, you’re their hope of change.
  • You’re a fixer.
  • You don’t have healthy boundaries. (Selfless vs Selfish)
  • You’re too laid back and easy-going. (Don’t be afraid to put your foot down)
  • You don’t value yourself as you should. (Know your worth)
  • You stay in situations longer than you should. (Know when it’s time to draw the line and walk away)

Walk away from this post knowing that you can’t change people and as a woman it is not your job to fix broken men. Invest that energy into yourself beloved. Accept what you can not change.

Note that my first two self-published books are still available for purchase. You can find reviews and product information on my site ( while you’re there you can also take a look at the accompanying products. Be sure to stay in the loop by following @chooseyoualways on Instagram.

Secondly, a third book is in the making and set to release soon, my first urban novel. If you haven’t already read the snippet, click below.

Last but not least, being as though I am expecting and I am a soon to be mama, I had to represent for the little ones. You can now shop for baby clothes with me @mumstyledme on Instagram!

Be sure to subscribe to the blogs monthly newsletter!

Thanks for reading, Be Blessed & Stay Humble. As always Choose You Always!

Why Do Men Put Off Doctor Visits?


Hey guys and welcome back to the blog! So we all know how I feel about self love and self care, it’s really important to me. But today, this topic is in regard to my fellas. Men don’t practice self care as much as women do, maybe not even half as much, and when I’m referring to self care in this sense I’m speaking on grooming, doctor visits, etc. Men hardly ever go to the doctors unless something is wrong and this boggles my brain because why?? Maybe it’s fear, insecurities, or not wanting another man looking at their private areas. It could be a number of reasons or excuses a man may give as to why he doesn’t regularly see a doctor or dentist. They will ignore several risks and wait until something is severely wrong before they make that trip to get checked out. So that means most don’t get tested regularly, get yearly check ups, or visit the dentist every 6 months. Does anyone really stay on top of their dentist visits? Probably not, so I won’t point the finger here at males but it’s important to know your status and keep yourself updated on your health.

Men are a lot more casual and laid back about their health, and honestly most will only go if they hear it enough from their partner, or someone close to them, or they feel something is wrong as mentioned before. Girls are handed books on puberty at young ages, I remember receiving mine in elementary school and reading about STD’s, STI’s, menstrual periods, and the changes my body will go through. I want to believe that the boys were given them too but even if they were the average young male isn’t interested about reading stuff like that if the conversation isn’t had at home first. Or it’s simply seen as a joke, males tend to have to uphold this level of masculinity even throughout childhood. I was very young when my mom first told me about my menstrual period and how I shouldn’t be scared when I got it, it just meant I was growing up. That didn’t stop me from being scared but I knew what was happening with my body after a trip to the bathroom at 11. Are females more health conscious because we are forced to grow up in a sense early on? Are conversations being held with males about their health and bodies? I’m honestly curious as to why this stigma against doctor visits exists in males. Females are taught how to check their boobs for lumps but males aren’t taught how to check their testicles for bumps, lumps, and other abnormalities. Ask your average male how often he does self checks, then compare that answer with what you get from a female. We have the media portraying male medical rectal exams as homosexual and something to avoid until their health is at risk and they realize it’s not such a joke anymore.

Through conversations I’ve been told that some men are simply scared of the unknown and that’s why they put off visits. I often hear “I don’t have insurance” there are many resources to take advantage of, government insurance, free clinics, etc. Then you hear “There’s probably nothing wrong” or “I don’t have the time” and even “I don’t have a doctor” and the list goes on. Feeling fine is not the same as being healthy and we all should be regularly checking on our health. I only wish for their to be an increase in men keeping track of their health and well-being. There’s also a lack in men who get groomed and it all comes down to upholding that masculinity. There’s nothing wrong with facial cleanses, nail upkeep, feet upkeep, and generally taking care of your body.

Opinions or experiences as to why men put off visiting the doctors? Comment below if you wish to share.

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Be sure to subscribe to the blogs monthly newsletter!

Thanks for reading, Be Blessed & Stay Humble. As always Choose You Always!

Is Circumcision The Norm?


Hey guys, Happy New Year and welcome back to the blog! While a New Year is exciting enough a lot of mom to be’s have been finding out the gender of their baby(s) including myself. While pregnancy comes with a lot of questions in itself, finding out the gender brings on even more with some being more daunting like “what are the pros and cons of having my baby circumcised“? Yikes… we jumped right in there didn’t we. Right to the point, so I came to the conclusion that most people don’t even think twice about it and honestly I didn’t until I was faced with the fact that I’m expecting a baby boy and it was brought up in a conversation amongst me and his father.

So why didn’t it cross my mind before? Circumcision has become such a norm that no one ever really looks into it. We hear things like intact (uncircumcised) penises are dirty, stinky, and just unwanted, all in all they are looked down upon especially in the looks department. Me being me I went ahead and did my research on it, besides seeing Youtube videos on the procedure that made my stomach hurt I couldn’t find any medical reasons as to why it’s necessary. Go ahead just put in “baby circumcision” on Youtube then let me know what you think. Maybe I’m just super sensitive but seeing the procedure done made me cringe. Of course there are pros and cons as there are pros and cons to every single thing on earth but is it medically necessary? I don’t want to make my child go through a surgery if it’s not a necessity.

I did read that men who are intact can retain moisture between their penis and foreskin which creates the ideal environment for bacteria to grow and can increase the risk of infection for them and their partner. For hygiene purposes and aesthetics seem to be the number one reasons and intact penises run the risk of contracting an UTI which the statistics said has probably a 1% chance of happening. Another risk being that the skin may have to be removed as the child gets older due to an infection or their foreskin not being able to retract properly. The risks of keeping the skin seem minute compared to what can happen with removing it. Botched surgeries being the number one reason to be iffy, it’s important to take into consideration that it isn’t just “snip snip” and done with. Overall, I haven’t seen any medical reasons as to why it NEEDS to be done, it’s always been optional. It seems practicing good hygiene can rule out most of the risks of keeping the skin. Yet and still, people have different opinions; some do it for religious reasons, other do it by choice. If we’re being honest here, they all look the same when hard if we’re talking about looks…but moving on along. I think most people’s opinions come from being told it’s the norm or it’s something that has to be done. Also because circumcised penises have been put on this pedestal of looking better, no one wants to wear the “turtle neck” all year round.

It’s a question that has to be asked and something to think about, don’t jump the gun because you feel it’s the norm. Do your research and know the risks you subject your baby to by circumcising or choosing not to. Becoming a parent means making a decision you feel is best for the sake of your child. And yes, babies are numbed while the procedure is done but my worry kicks in with the risk of what could go wrong. So again, it’s something to think about, if you’re facing the decision with your partner or the fathers child, etc. then talk about it. If you’re not sure of the pros and cons, ask your doctor. Feel free to do your own research but I would like to know what your opinions are on the subject. Would you circumcise your child? Did you circumcise your child? Why or why not? Even if you don’t have children yet or never plan to, if you’re a guy and have experiences with being circumcised or intact, how do you feel about it? If you’re of age and have dated someone with an intact penis did it make a difference? Was it noticeable? Because I’ve been conditioned to feel that’s the norm, it’s a question I can honestly say I’m struggling with. I will say after seeing the procedure done and reading up on it, I am leaning towards not getting the procedure done but it’s an ongoing conversation to be had and research to be done until me and his father come together to make a decision. The way I’m looking at it is if my son wants to get it done as he gets older for his own personal reasons then he can do so. Unless it becomes medically necessary anywhere along his upbringing, the procedure can be done as an adult if he wishes. But then again I hear many stories about the pain if a man has to get it done while older, so it’s a tough one; then there’s the fact that it’s better done as an infant so the debate continues and people continue to have their own personal thoughts and reasoning. Share your thoughts!

Articles to check out on the topic:

Update: (Jan 6, 2018)

This post has gotten a lot of attention and feedback and I thought I’d add a few of the comments people left via social media. There are too many to include all. Be sure to scroll down and check the comments left on this actual post as well. Links are clickable if you’d like to be taken back to my facebook page to join the discussion there.

  • Rissa Vasile The correct term is intact/whole, not uncircumcised. Just like you are not undecapitated. 😉

Breyana Pennington Thanks for the correction!

  • Melissa Marie I have 3 intact boys. They are their own person. Who am I to alter their most private parts?!

Foreskin is normal, healthy and serves many functions.

Breyana Pennington I agree! Thanks for commenting 😊

  • Rissa Vasile Circumcision is based on myths and outright lies. It’s is a violent (and I mean violent- watch a video of the procedure with the sound on and tell me it’s not torture) violation of basic human rights. There are zero benefits, other than the money the doctors make from it. The foreskin is there for a reason and it has numerous immunological and sensual functions. Without it, the penis head becomes dried out an desensitized, very often causing dry and painful sex for one or both partners. 70% of the world’s men are intact. My 2 boys and husband are intact and have never had any of the scare tactic issues doctors claim the foreskin causes.

People can learn all they need to know and what American doctors won’t tell them at:

Breyana Pennington Yes I’ve watched the video and had a conversation afterwards which caused for me to write this post! I agree it looks painful although a lot of ppl tend to argue the child doesn’t feel it, they’re under anesthesia, etc. it just wasn’t something I could bare to watch.

Rissa Vasile @Breyana Pennington parents are unfortunately so misinformed and flat out lied to. It’s so sad! They have no idea how traumatic it really is. I heard someone say, “If circumcisions were done in the hallways, it would end tomorrow.”

Rissa Vasile The nurses say that the baby slept through but in reality they went into shock. Good on you for being bold and writing about this! 👏👏👏 

Breyana Pennington @ Rissa Vasile I watched a video and the baby screamed the entire time. I don’t know if he was crying due to pain or being uncomfortable but either way it was heartbreaking to see. The problem is it’s become such a “norm” that no one thinks to question iSee More

  • Alegría del Colibrí  If ANY of this genital cutting of babies/children were to be invented now, having never existed before, it would be considered unthinkable! Especially knowing what we now understand about babies’ and children’s emotional/psychological sensitivities, and the long term consequences of early trauma…
  • Mary Day Circumcision him…..picture a man without being circumcised… might hurt him now for a minute (while he a baby) but he will thank you later as he gets older. Truth is …How can u turn back foreskin if it’s tight (without circumcision), it much easier to wash with being circumcised

Breyana Pennington @ Mary Day, If he remains intact you’re not supposed to pull the skin back to clean it, it will eventually retract on its own as he gets older so he can then pull the skin back and clean it. If he’s taught good hygiene there’s no reason he should have problems in that area.

Rissa Vasile @ Mary Day, I can- I’m married to one, and I have 2 intact sons. There is nothing extra to be done with a baby. You wipe the outside only- no retraction.

Mary Day SIMPLY put a man has to pull back his foreskin to completely wash his penis if not he can risk getting infected due to pee, sweat, later on in life ejaculation….think about it niece

Breyana Pennington @ Mary Daym Yeah that seems to be the argument most people say but again if he’s taught good hygiene and taught to properly clean there shouldn’t be issues.

Rissa Vasile @ Mary Day, It takes 2 seconds to rinse in the shower. It is more difficult to brush your teeth.

Sarah Terrell I think your point is too up in there air. A parent shouldn’t gather all the information and make the choice they see fit. A parent shouldn’t even consider at all for one second to cut their child. It shouldn’t even be a thing we think about doing to our precious baby boys.

  • Alegría del Colibrí It is the “norm” ONLY in the USA …. apart from the Jewish and Muslim population.

Europeans are horrified when they hear about what Americans do to their newborn boys for no valid reasons whatsoever!

It’s beyond belief and beyond disgusting.


Alegría del Colibrí I don’t know if you are able to read any of my comments and links, because every comment containing links has been “marked as spam” by the Facebook censorship.

So many of these informative comments are being censored and deleted.See More


  • Venetia Gunn-King As for looks, remember that Leonardo Da Vinci, arguably the greatest artist ever to have lived, and a true genius, stated “Human subtlety will never devise an invention more beautiful, more simple or more direct than does nature because in her [nature’s] inventions nothing is lacking, and nothing is superfluous.” (no such thing as ” extra skin”) His acclaimed picture “Vitruvian Man” [Universal Man] comes complete with foreskin. *There are no universally acknowledged, world renowned pieces of art depicting a circumcised male*. Every body part is a work of art…so why take knife to the canvas?
  • Amber Grace Intact partner was my favourite and cut men repulse me. Cut men have dried very discoloured and wrinkled glans and uncomfortable. Intact men are the best. My son will not be cut his father would never allow it just like my daughter is not cut. Water is all that’s needed to take care of both sexual organs.
  • Christine Grace I’m glad you are open to learning about this! The pro/con chart in your article has some serious issues, and these might help with your decision.

Pro 1 – the protection against UTIs is miniscule at best. It’s like taking the 1% chance down to .9% chance. In no way is that a justification for a surgery. Removing appendixes would prevent ALL appendicitis, but that is not ethical.
Pro 2 – Sure if you no longer have a foreskin, you can no longer have infections under it or have it be tight. Again we can’t just take people’s appendixes or breasts to prevent issues.
Pro 3 – the reduction in STDs are very disputed, and even if circ reduces them, PREVENTION is the goal and only comes from safe sex.
Pro 4 – should not even be on there as it contradicts itself. That’s like saying removing teeth reduces the risk of gum disease…. but so does brushing.

As you can see, these are huge reaches. They are not at all reasons to cut healthy tissue from a newborn baby.

The con side has issues too.
Con 1 – THESE ARE HUGE. They may be rare, but if you are the boy who gets a horrible infection or your glans cut off, it will damage you badly or permanently. These risks are acceptable when the surgery NEEDS to happen. They are 100% unacceptable when the surgery is unneeded.
Con 2 – Doctors CAN use SOME anesthetic. Many of them use nothing. Nothing can truly block the pain except general anesthesia (never used for routine infant circ). The videos you saw online are real, and those boys are suffering.
Con 3 – If that is what stops people from choosing it, then great. But insurance coverage does not affect whether it’s harmful and painful. If anything, it proves how needless this is.
Con 4 – the reason it has to be done right away, is that older babies struggle and fight and react far worse than newborns. The newborn suffers just as much, but cannot fight back or communicate it.
Cons 5-infinity are missing. Those are all the pain and suffering, the loss of sexual function and pleasure, the feelings of being violated and robbed, the shock that babies go into, the ruined breastfeeding relationships, the emergency trips back for bleeding, the meatal stenosis that affects a huge percentage of circed males, the adhesions and skin bridges, and I could go on…. all things that matter. All things that men and boys suffer from a needless surgery that they never chose.

Please keep learning before your son is born! Do the research steps at Your son will be born perfect, just like a daughter would be.

Hillary Goodwitch @ Christine Grace, Foreskin is definitely a design feature, not a flaw.
Boys are born perfect, too!

  • Breanna Skinner We kept our son whole, as it’s his body and not our place to remove perfectly healthy and purposeful pieces from his body.
    He has successfully lived to a year with no infections, no yeast, and is squeaky clean.
    10/10, best decision we *didn’t* make for our son! 💙

#yourwholebaby #intactgeneration #mendocomplain #yayforeskin#genitalautonomyforall


Thanks for all the feedback and comments, and for those who joined the discussion, a big thanks, some of the feedback was really informative.

Here are some things you can expect from me this upcoming year:

Note that my first two self-published books are still available for purchase. You can find reviews and product information on my site ( while you’re there you can also take a look at the accompanying products. Be sure to stay in the loop by following @chooseyoualways on Instagram.

Secondly, a third book is in the making and set to release soon, my first urban novel. If you haven’t already read the snippets, click below.

Last but not least, being as though I am expecting and I am a soon to be mama, I had to represent for the little ones. You can now shop for baby clothes with me @mumstyledme on Instagram!

Be sure to subscribe to the blogs monthly newsletter!

Thanks for reading, Be Blessed & Stay Humble. As always Choose You Always!

Short Story


You mentioned fear last night you know“, he mumbled as he got out of the bed. “And you mentioned her again this morning too, wh…”

I tune him out as I get prepared for the thing I call work. How I ended up in bed with him last night, I can’t even begin to imagine. It frightens me to think of what else I could have said, after three drinks and a shot of E&J I might have told him a lot more than I needed.

Are you even listening?” I look up to see him staring questionably. I make my best effort to look as though I’m interested in the conversation. I don’t even know his name, sad to say this isn’t the first time this has happened and each time I wake up confused, lost, and wanting to leave as soon as possible.

You said something about a person named Karen, but then you said she was you..” “You told me your name was Kaitlin when you introduced yourself and that’s what it says on your name tag.” Shit. What have I gotten myself into now, and why this guy is giving me a list of things I said to him last night is beyond me. “I was drunk last night, I was drunk you were there you should know drunk people say things they don’t mean” I say almost trying to convince myself, I mean I think I was I had to be if I came home with him, my brain is on fire and I can’t begin to think straight.

He isn’t buying it I can tell, he opens his mouth but I really don’t want to hear what he has to say, “you know maybe you should just leave it’s too early for this.” He looks a bit hurt but I can’t find it in me to apologize.

You know you do this every time Kaitlin, every time and each time you wake up acting like a new person and I try to go along with it but I can’t, I can’t do this anymore it’s taking a toll on me. I know I said I would be here and all that other crap I said at the alter, but you tell me how I can be in a relationship where my partner only loves and remembers me a few days or hours out of the week. I really want to help you but I don’t know how. I told you to see a profe…”

I tune him out again, what does he mean every time, relationship, love… I go into panic mode instantly. This man has to be some type of psycho, I’m looking around to see any quick exits I can make and I choose the fire escape. Before I can make any movement he’s in front of me.

Look I know what you’re thinking and I know you’re thinking about running. I’m not crazy and I didn’t just make this up.” He picks up the photo on the dresser and shows me. It’s of us on our wedding day, he shows me another with a little girl in it, she kind of looks like me. “Is that me as a child?” I ask.

He looks kind of angry now but still manages to speak, “No, that’s our daughter, and this is our son…”

Kaitlin, Kaitlin!” The sound of someone calling my name awakes me. I’ve been having the same reoccurring dream for over a week now. It’s the day I came to terms that I might be someone else or at least was telling myself that. I suffered from personality disorder for years well that’s what the doctors say, but it still haunts me to this day. I’ve been living in fear my whole life and sometimes I still think that one day I’ll wake up and it’ll happen all over again. Dr. Morris tells me it’s because of my childhood as in most cases, it took me a long time to accept what happened that day, I was only 4 years old…

This short story stemmed from me reading a book called “Silencing The Voices.” It’s about a women who has 3 different personalities all stemming from something that happened in her childhood. It’s really interesting and personality disorders have always been something that intrigued me.  It’s kind of amazing to learn about the different defense mechanisms people develop to deal with their past and things that have happened to them. I recommend reading this book and another called “Brain On Fire”

This short story is featured in “Heartbreaks & Heartaches.” Note that my first two self-published books are still available for purchase. You can find reviews and product information on my site ( while you’re there you can also take a look at the accompanying products. Be sure to stay in the loop by following @chooseyoualways on Instagram.

Secondly, a third book is in the making and set to release soon, my first urban novel. If you haven’t already read the snippets, click below.

Last but not least, being as though I am expecting and I am a soon to be mama, I had to represent for the little ones. You can now shop for baby clothes with me @mumstyledme on Instagram!

Be sure to subscribe to the blogs monthly newsletter!

Thanks for reading, Be Blessed & Stay Humble. As always Choose You Always!

Short Story – (Rated R/X)


**Before you begin reading, if you are not into erotic stories then you shouldn’t continue as it includes heavy sexual content.

I can hear the shower water running as I enter the apartment telling me that my fiancé is home from work early. I exhale as I take off my shoes thinking about the long day I’ve just had and how I don’t want to do anything but relax.

I hope he doesn’t mind take out tonight” I say above a whisper thinking out loud. My clients really ran a number on me today. Being a professional hair stylist for celebrities can really be overwhelming.

I enter the bedroom stripping off my clothes along the way too lazy to throw them in the hamper. Clambering into the bed face down I almost fall asleep instantly. Hearing the water stop running alerts me some as I shift to take a look at the bathroom door.

A few seconds later my fiancé Jeremy walks out of the bathroom looking like he belongs on the cover of a swimsuit magazine. Standing at 6’1 with chiseled muscles and a chocolate skin complexion that puts Hershey to shame I wonder how I became so lucky. He strikes that million dollar smile as he sees me staring. “Hey sleepyhead, long day at work?”

I try not to divert my eyes to his manhood as I answer. “My clients drove me insane today babe, I swear they can be so picky I just want to sleep for a week!”

Ahh come on love don’t be that way, the fact that you have clients says something doesn’t it. You’re good at what you do” That was just like Jeremy to say, he was always trying to be optimistic and positive which is why I loved him. Whenever I needed a pick-me-up he was there to help.

I know, I know I’m very grateful don’t get me wrong I’m just tired I’ve been working for 12 hours straight” I half mutter mushing my face into the pillow. I throw a slight tantrum as a joke flailing my hands and legs around.

Such a big baby” he laughs. “Here let me help you out some” I watch out of the corner of my eye as he walks over to the bed still damp from the shower he’d just taken. My vagina pulsating beneath me just thinking of what’s underneath the towel. No matter how long I’ve been with this man he always has the power to turn me on and make me blush like a school girl.

Relax” he says taking me out of my trance. “Let me make you feel better” I do what he says and relax while he begins to massage my body starting at my feet. Just to feel the warmth of his hands on my body is enough to get me off.I remain calm as he moves up caressing my legs. Anticipating his next move had me on edge. “Babe you have to relax you’re tense” I obey and shake the thoughts so I can enjoy the massage.

He moved further up my body caressing my butt making sure to grab a handful with each movement. “I’m going to take these off they’re in the way” he says referring to my panties. He slides them off gently and proceeds to unhook my bra.”I’m going to take this off too” by now I can sense the game he’s playing so I go along with it.

I hear him shuffling behind me as he gets off the bed to grab the oil. Turning on some soft, soulful music he sets the mood. “Let daddy take care of you

I lay on my stomach trying to take peeks at this beautiful man as he rubs my body down. I can’t help but to be turned on by his touch, the sight, the mood. As he continues to work up and down my body I feel him as he places the weight of his body on the bed and sits over top of me. Massaging my back I now feel his dick rising and grazing my butt as he moves around. Trying to act like I don’t notice I continue to lay with my eyes closed. He moves his hands to my butt again massaging more aggressively this time. Making sure to move my cheeks apart as he treats my ass like he’s getting the dough ready for some pizza.

He moves back some still massaging my ass but making enough space between my legs to glance at my lady parts. Moving his hands lower he massages the outer walls of my vagina causing me to stir a bit beneath him. “How does that feel baby?” “It feels good” I manage to say.

You want me to keep going?” At this point I’m beyond turned on and ready for him to enter me.

Yes, keep going” he continues and dips his finger into my wetness inching closer to my clit. “Turn around” he orders assisting me as I turn to lay on my back. Placing his fingers on my clit he begins to move in slow circular motions while reaching one hand up to fondle my breast. Softly moaning I attempt to inch closer wanting him to place his lips on my prized possession. He continues to rub my clit at a faster pace almost teasing me.

What is it that you want babe?” He says slyly. In between moans and my slight fuming I yell “I want you to eat my pussy now!”

He abruptly stops rubbing my clit and throws my legs over his shoulders. Thanking God I was able to take a shower at work I wince in ecstasy as his lips made contact with my vagina. Planting soft kisses he takes his time making sure no part of my pearl goes untouched. Tired of being gentle he begins to feverishly suck and lick on my clit at times dipping his tongue in and out of my pussy still making sure nothing went untouched. Not being able to contain myself much longer I begin to squirm and scream every curse word imaginable as I orgasm back to back. “Fuck! Shittttt, that feels so good baby, yes!”

Getting a kick out of my pleasure he begins to fuck me with his tongue causing me to grind on his face wanting more. Coming up for air he kisses me passionately with my legs still slung over his shoulder. I can feel his dick touching my wanting, needing vagina. I grab it trying to put it in myself but he slaps my arm away. “No, no, no. Ask and you shall receive. What is it that you want?” Biting my lip out of frustration and lust I answer with “Please fuck me, I want you bad

How bad?” He asks rubbing the tip of his dick along my wetness. “BAD! I WANT YOU NOW” I scream loud enough for the neighbors to hear. With that he shoves his dick into my vagina making me gasp and moan out at the same time. “This what you want huh, you want this dick? This yours?”

Yes baby yes, harder!” Lost in my own ecstasy … ” (to be continued)

This short story is featured in “Heartbreaks & Heartaches.” Note that my first two self-published books are still available for purchase. You can find reviews and product information on my site ( while you’re there you can also take a look at the accompanying products. Be sure to stay in the loop by following @chooseyoualways on Instagram.

Secondly, a third book is in the making and set to release soon, my first urban novel. If you haven’t already read the snippets, click below.

Last but not least, being as though I am expecting and I am a soon to be mama, I had to represent for the little ones. You can now shop for baby clothes with me @mumstyledme on Instagram!

Be sure to subscribe to the blogs monthly newsletter!

Thanks for reading, Be Blessed & Stay Humble. As always Choose You Always!

First Trimester – “The I Still Can’t Believe It Stages of Pregnancy”

(photos from

Around week 4 of pregnancy it’s very likely that you don’t know you’re pregnant or just finding out. If you do find out at this stage you’re considered to have found out early. This is where things are exciting and scary and you’re probably having mixed emotions. “Am I really ready to be a parent?” “Omg this is real!” It’s the freak out stage. Symptoms may not be around just yet but this is the time to make your first prenatal appointment (some places may not see you so early, but it depends on your place of choice) and start taking those good ole’ vitamins. If you’re not a fan of the big horse pills you’re usually prescribed, gummies are a great option! I personally like vitafusion’s PreNatal with DHA, Folic Acid, & Multivitamin. Doctors approve of these, but double check with yours.

At 4 weeks your baby is only the size of a poppyseed and still a tiny ball of cells that’s making a home in your uterus. But did you know your baby’s neural tube, (the building block of the spine, brain and backbone) are already formed? Crazy right. Your body may be experiencing PMS-like symptoms such as bloating, mild cramping and light bleeding/spotting (normal as your baby implants into your uterus), and mood swings. If you’re wondering who to tell outside of the father and close relationships, I’d keep things quiet until about 12 weeks or after, only letting your inner circle know as things are still very risky at this stage. Plus you want to give yourself time to process the big news!

At week 5 your baby is the size of an Appleseed but he or she is already forming major organs such as the heart, stomach, liver, and kidney. The digestive, circulatory, and nervous system also start forming this week! Exciting stuff, as you go through pregnancy you realize size doesn’t matter and your baby is in there working hard and growing at a quick pace. So it may look like a dot, but it’s doing a lot. Now may be the time you start getting symptoms, nausea may have creeped up, your breast may be sore, and you may be tiredddd. But don’t worry you will regain your energy back in a few weeks! That bloat is still hanging around too, be prepared because you won’t lose that for a while. It happened a lot with me after each meal or I noticed during the night throughout my first few weeks. If you worry a lot like me, stay away from miscarriage stories, while they are informative they will have you stressing. It’s okay to read them if you’re interested, but not to the extent where you worry yourself. Trust that everything is going right until you feel that something is wrong. I worried myself with “what ifs” and possible scenarios when I first found out and it does no good for you or your baby. Talk to your doctor if something feels off or you experience major bleeding or cramping.

Week 6 is still fresh and new like your emotions! Your hormones may be fluctuating like crazy and you might feel a little crazy and moody too. You’re more than likely exhausted, want to sleep all day, and downright beat. The nausea doesn’t go away just yet unless you’re a lucky mama who didn’t experience nausea at all. Boobs still sore? Probably so. But just so you know, they’re already prepping for breastfeeding. Your baby at this stage is the size of a sweet pea so still fairly tiny but he or she will double in size over the next week! Baby is starting to sprout eyes, nose, ears, chin, and cheeks and might even be wiggling their hands and feet (which don’t resemble hand and feet yet at this stage). Did you know your baby developed a heartbeat around weeks 3-4. It’s still too soft to hear but people who have received early Ultrasounds have reported being able to see it flutter on the screen. You don’t start showing yet and what you might think is a baby bump is more than likely just bloat. I didn’t start forming a true bump until around weeks 17-19 but everyone is different. Stay patient. I still captured memories by taking pictures every week to measure growth.

So it’s week 7 now and you’re probably still hearing “omg, you’re what?” yes, pregnant. It’ll hit you that you’re really growing a baby inside of you when your Ultrasound comes around, or maybe it hit you as soon as you got those two lines or confirmation for your doctor. Nevertheless, it’s an exciting, yet scary journey. Your symptoms are the same at this point, if not increased. You may feel hungrier, crankier, and the list goes on. You may have food cravings or aversions now, even smells started to turn me away from certain foods that I once enjoyed. Emotions/hormones are still peaked and you may experience vivid dreams and even insomnia in your early weeks. Some say they don’t experience insomnia until the end but I had trouble falling asleep in my first trimester, everyone is different. As for baby, he or she is still developing like crazy, forming arm and leg joints, generating thousands of brain cells, and gaining a stronger heart. He or she is only the size of a blueberry.

Week 8 is around the time most OBGYN’s agree to see you for your first prenatal appointment. It all depends on where you go for your care because I was able to get confirmation from my primary and be seen for my first prenatal within a week’s time frame so I had my first prenatal appointment during week 5. During this week you may have a heightened sense of smell, constipation, indigestion, bloating, or heartburn. Your boobs may still be sore and feel heavier or even start growing. Fatigue and nausea are still hanging around for some mama’s and those dreams, yeah they get pretty weird. Baby is the size of a raspberry now and is moving around like crazy but you won’t feel anything yet since it’s so tiny. He or she is forming taste buds this week which is pretty exciting!

As soon as you find out you’re expecting it’s important to start eating different if you haven’t already been. That includes cutting down or completely stopping your soda intake, deli sandwiches are a no-no, cold lunch meat can’t be eaten unless it’s warmed up first. Avoiding things with tons of sugar, salt, and grease is a good step but even that can be hard. I craved Coke soda and Pizza (still do) a lotttt. Hot wings were also a must for me so it’s all easier said than done, but if your doctor says it’s okay to indulge then go ahead but just be mindful of what you’re putting into your body. If you aren’t sure what you should be eating ask your doctor. The first trimester is always the most wacky from what I’ve experienced and from what I’ve heard but things do subside and calm down during the second. Stay tuned for weeks 9-12! If you enjoyed this post be sure to read about how I found out I was expecting, Bit By The Baby Bug, Now What?

Questions, comments, or concerns? Interested in sharing your own experiences or tips? Drop a comment or shoot me an email (

Last but not least, being as though I am expecting and I am a soon to be mama, I had to represent for the little ones. You can now shop for baby clothes with me @mumstyledme on Instagram!

Be sure to subscribe to the blogs monthly newsletter!

Thanks for reading, Be Blessed & Stay Humble. As always Choose You Always!

Finding Your Passion – Mid Week Motivation

Reflecting on the last few years and the many conversations I’ve had as of lately has brought me to a moment of clarity in regards to pursuing passions. In my own experiences, I’ve done many things, I’ve pursued many things. It’s hard when you have a lot of talents in the creative area or a lot of talents in general. I’m a woman of many ideas and it’s like my mind never stops moving and thinking of ways to better myself and my financial situation especially. I work a Full Time job and Part Time job but I’m not passionate about either of those. I’ve ventured into business in several areas, several times trying to find my passion. I went to college for 4 years and I’ll be in debt for quite some time over something I’m no longer even sure I’m passionate about. Don’t get me wrong, I majored in Psychology and while I love my major and it’s amazing to me how the mind works, coming out of college my whole mindset has changed.

For one, it could be because it’s so hard finding a job, we’re sold this dream that if we go to college we’ll come out making thousands of dollars and have a secure job. While that may be true for some, I see a lot of people do nothing with their degrees. I’m currently doing STS or otherwise known as TSS (Therapeutic Support Staff) in schools, and I don’t like it and it’s one of the only jobs you can get with a Bachelors in Psych. There are others available but a lot are low paying and most high paying positions want you to have your Masters and above. There are ways around it for example if you work through an agency like I do you make much more but there are pros and cons to that route. For all of us who went to college I’m sure we didn’t go through schooling to come out and be comfortable with making the same amount of money as someone who didn’t and has a HS Diploma. That’s the thing, Bachelor degrees are being treated like HS Diploma’s so in my eyes it’s not even worth the hassle of going. You go to college for 4 years to work for someone else while those 4 years could have been spent doing something else.

While it all depends on what you go for and your own goals and aspirations, college for me ended up not being a necessity for what I plan on doing in life. I always had this idea of going back to school and becoming a Clinical Psychologist but now I’m not so sure that’s what I want to do. I love Psych but is it my passion? Often times we ridicule ourselves for not focusing on what we believe our passions are but do you really know what you’re passionate about? You can love doing something but that doesn’t mean it’s what you have to pursue. No matter what I’ve tried pursuing, photography, drawing, painting, schooling, etc. I’m good in all of those areas and could pursue each one if I wished, but I always come back to writing; it’s what grounds me, what I find joy in the most. It’s taken me a while to realize and while I’m still a jack of many trades and enjoy doing a lot of things, my focus is always uplifting, empowering, and inspiring through my words and experiences, I’m passionate about creating. My major will help me so it wasn’t all for nothing, it will allow me to promote mental wellness and health from a different perspective. Trying to put myself into one box or category over the past few years has failed me in many ways and I’ve become content with knowing I can’t be put into one specific thing. I’ll always have ideas and some will fail, some will succeed. Truth be told I’ll always have my hands in many things because that’s what works for me. I’m not a person who can commit to one career path when I know I can do so much more. So for the upcoming year, choose you passion, don’t let it choose you.

For those who are considering college, do it because you want, not because you feel as though you have to. There are tons of ways to make money, start your own small business, if you have creative hobbies, use them to your advantage. If you are like me and you’ve graduated some time ago and feel like you’ve done nothing too useful with your major or it’s no longer your passion, it’s not the end of the world. Find other ways to incorporate your major into what you love doing!

While we’re speaking of passions and business ventures here are some things you can expect from me this upcoming year:

Note that my first two self-published books are still available for purchase. You can find reviews and product information on my site ( while you’re there you can also take a look at the accompanying products. Be sure to stay in the loop by following @chooseyoualways on Instagram.

Last but not least, being as though I am expecting and I am a soon to be mama, I had to represent for the little ones. You can now shop for baby clothes with me @mumstyledme on Instagram!

Be sure to subscribe to the blogs monthly newsletter!

Thanks for reading, Be Blessed & Stay Humble. As always Choose You Always!

Working Women Wednesday – “Getting Sultry With Sage”

Hey guys and welcome back to the blog! I wanted to switch things up a bit today and highlight a writer and author I had the pleasure of interviewing. As we know, on Thursday’s I choose to highlight a creative and we get a deeper look into business and creativity but this is a woman who’s on her A game so it’s only right that she made the cut on Wednesday. People usually use Wednesdays to highlight their crushes but Wednesdays over on this side are to highlight hard working women.

It’s not everyday that you hear “I’m proud of you” or “Keep up the great work” and not only is it nice to hear, but its needed sometimes. I’m big on support and uplifting people but women especially, we need more sisterhoods and less of pitting women against each other and putting each other down.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Sultry Sage, a writer and author. I came across her as we’ve been following each other on social media for quite sometime and her work always graces my feed so I had to reach out. So take a seat and kick back and let’s get into this.

Creators & Entrepreneurs

A Closer Look Into Creativity and Business

Sultry Sage: Writer & Author

Me: I see how hard you go for your work and I admire that. You’re a creator, and I believe what you create is art; being able to captivate people with your words is a talent. When did you realize you had this talent? And what motivated you to pursue it?

Sage: I really appreciate you noticing my hard work and thank you again for this opportunity. I’ve always had a way with words, I know how to talk to others and make them feel comfortable. I think that was God’s gift to me because I know my words have touched hearts. They’re genuine and you can feel the love. Even if we’ve only had one conversation, you might forget who I am but you won’t forget the love you felt on that day, during that time. It was pure.

When I first started to write I was in my freshman year in high-school, I started with poems about my pain. I started experiencing puberty, love, deaths and I started figuring out or trying to figure out who I was as a person and the only way I could understand the way I was feeling, was if I wrote them down. I didn’t understand myself, I had no idea who I was. I sought those answers in my words.

In May 2017, May 2nd to be exact, I was sitting next to this person I hold near and dear to my heart and said I’m going to write a book. And she asked me “About what?” I said about love. About the Good and the bad. About how to get through the pain and the growth that it brings. I know my experience with love is different than anyone else’s, but this story is amazing and I have to share it. Ever since that day, my life has been nothing but “The Truth About LoveMe: Were you nervous to put your work out into the world? Tell us a little about your book “The Truth About Love (Girl x Girl)” without giving too much away. Do you plan on writing more books?

Sage: Was I nervous? Nervous is an understatement. I was terrified. I was afraid that no one would read my work. I was afraid that I wouldn’t go anywhere. What would I say? How could I keep my motivation going? All these things ran through my head. I pushed passed my fears and put out four chapters that first week. My direct messages on social media were being blown up, my friends were calling and texting me and even harassing me. I was on a high I didn’t know how to come down from because people were actually enjoying my words.

The Truth About Love” is a love story based off my actual life. I am the main character Sonna Neil. The characters are based off of real life people. The events are real, this book is the TRUTH on love. Not the stuff you see on TV or read in fairytales. It’s real and it’s raw. It touches on love between two women, the emotional and mental pain caused by love, the struggle of anxiety and depression, pain caused by deaths and even the hardships of being a part of the LGBT community because it’s not easy. All these things happen in your everyday life no matter what your sexual orientation is and I just want to share my story with the world.

I do plan on writing more books, Sultry Sage is here to stay. I’m planning to do a “Truth About Love Two” because the story isn’t done yet. I have so much more for my readers. Even now, I want to start another book, something fresh and new but “The Truth About Love” series has to be completed first.

Me: I love the way you put your book out into the world. You do it by chapters and not all at once. That’s a great way to keep people interested and coming back for more. It’s like a cliffhanger in real life. What made you present it in that way?

Sage: I presented my book that way because I write all my chapters off my emotions. Every event in my book has happened, maybe not in that exact timeline of the book but it has happened and I puzzle all those pieces together. If I’m feeling pain that day and I’m writing that chapter, you’re going to feel that pain with me. If I’m happy, I’m going to feed you that happiness and make your day with my words. My readers are going to feel me no matter what.

Me: I know how much focus and discipline it takes to build a brand and run a business, and your business is ultimately your craft. What kind of self-care techniques do you use to refrain from becoming overwhelmed with juggling life, work, and creating new content, what do you do to relax and get your mental together? If you don’t have any what kind of self-care techniques would you like to incorporate?

Sage: During my everyday life I battle depression and anxiety. Somedays are harder than others and often times I don’t know if I’m going to make it through. I’m a full time student at West Chester University of Pennsylvania and I work part-time, Life can get very stressful. I pray A LOT, I cry a lot and I give myself breaks. Some weeks I’ll give my reader 2-3 chapters others they might get one or none at all because I need that time to deal with my pain. Mental breaks and staying strong in my faith is how I get through.

When it comes to creating more content, I think about my life and what’s the next lesson I want to teach my readers. What’s going on in the world? What have I noticed them going through? I and my readers have a beautiful relationship, I know a lot of them by name and I know what most of them are going through and incorporate some help and insight in my chapters so they know “This was for you”.

Me: How do you balance writing with your daily life obligations? Because I know for me it sometimes becomes hard to create on a daily basis.

Sage: I’m honestly not the best at it, I’m laughing as I type this. I’ll literally sit on the couch for 12 hours out of the day and write. I won’t eat, I won’t sleep, I won’t do anything until I have that chapter out. One thing I am going to do is try to get my life and time management so controlled, that when I have to write, that’s all I’ll have to do. I now have a new feature on my Social Networks called #SultrySundays where I’ll publish a chapter each Sunday NO MATTER WHAT so I make sure my schedule is clear for that day. It does get hard but I know in the end, it’ll be worth it.

Me: Is it just me, or do you sometimes get writers block? What do you do to get you in the right mood to create?

Sage: I’ll get writers block so bad to the point where I cry and get frustrated about it. One day, I had just finished a chapter I worked a week on and just as I was almost done editing I deleted the entire thing. Talk about devastated. When I do have writers block, I talk to my readers. I’ll ask how did you feel about those last couple of chapters and sure enough they get right with me. Seeing them excited, gets me excited and just like that my writers block is gone.

Me: Where did the name Sultry Sage come from or do you refer to yourself by just your name? What are some of the goals you hope to achieve with your talent?

Sage: Sultry Sage comes from my love of the Sage herb. Every morning when my anxiety was really tearing me up inside, I’d burn sage in the morning and meditate. I loved the way I felt afterwards, I was extremely calm. When you use sultry to describe a woman, she’s described as passionate. I felt like the two just went perfect together. Passionate, the meaning of Sultry and Sage the way it made me feel.

I always refer to myself as Sage, My name is Nichelle but I aspire one day to have them form as one and not two separate people. Sage is fearless, confident, strong, Nichelle is still working on trying to be that.

With my talent, I want to one day make “The Truth About Love” a TV series. I have big plans for my work, but that’s one of my biggest goals.Me: Do you have a specific audience you gear your writing towards, or can everyone read and take something away from it?

Sage: Anyone can read my writing, there are men reading my work which shocked me. Women of course and those who are heterosexual. You can take all the life lessons from my book and apply them to your life. That’s why I started writing this book, to help any and everyone who needed it.

Me: Where can we find your work?

Sage: My book is located on the free Wattpad app, which is available on the Apple store and Google play store. Search “The Truth About Love By Sultry Sage” and it should pop right up.

Me: What have been some of your failures so far on this journey?

Sage: My biggest failure has been me not believing in myself. Sometimes my thoughts and lack of confidence can really harm my spirit. But I’m working on it. Especially when the support system isn’t the best, you start to learn that all you need are those who are there and rolling with you. You stop worrying about those who aren’t.

Me: What advice would you give someone who is interested in starting their own brand or pursuing their dreams and talents?

Sage: DO IT. It’s going to take some time, don’t let your fears hold you back and be ready for the mental growth that’s coming your way because you’re about to transform. Islah is Arabic for reform. To improve or better yourself. You’re about to become a better you and whatever gift God has given you nobody can take that way.

Me: Excluding yourself, are there any people such as writers, poets, etc. in the world that you admire? Any people in general that inspire or motivate you?

Sage: Issa Rae is my number one. I admire her work ethic, how genuine she is and what she stands for outside of her writing. I’ve never looked up anyone until I was introduced to her. I’ve been amazed ever since and one day I hope to work with her.

Me: If you could change just one thing about our society through your writings, what would it be?

Sage: It would have to be what’s consider what’s proper English and what is not. I feel like the way I write is unique to who I am and my personality. I don’t want to have to conform to society’s idea of what’s proper and what isn’t.

Me: What makes your writing unique?

Sage: I think what makes my writing unique is my word play. How I pair words together that actually make you feel them. I and another person could say the same thing, but the way I word it just gives you a different feel.

Me: Fun fact about yourself?

Sage: I’m deeply, and utterly obsessed with dark red roses.

Me: Drop your socials so we can be sure to follow you!

Sage: Instagram: Sultry.Sage, Twitter: SultrySage

It’s important that we continue to uplift, empower, and inspire one another. Support your black owned businesses and brands. Be sure to stay tuned for more post!

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Thanks for reading. Be Blessed & Stay Humble.

Interested in checking out my first two self-published books? Head over to my site: $elf – choose you always

P.S. we surpassed our goals of reaching 20k views by the end of the year guys! Thank you for your continuous support.

Bit By The Baby Bug, Now What?

(How I Found Out I Was Expecting)

The baby bug? What’s that? Well it seems as though every way you turn your head someone is announcing a pregnancy, has just had a baby, or going through the fever. While some are just running in the complete opposite direction. Wherever you fall on the spectrum this one is for my mama’s to be, curious friends, and those who are just, well… curious….

So you’ve just found out your pregnant, or maybe you have a best friend, sister, or cousin who’s expecting and after the initial shock and wave of emotions you now have a ton of questions. What’s going to happen? Ohhh so that was a symptom I was experiencing? Will I gain weight? What do I do? What can I expect? And the list goes on. Pregnancy is something that no one has all the answers to because your experience will depend on you and your body. Ultimately, besides your body doing all of the work, the mental experience is what you make of it. As I entered week 16 yesterday I still had/have a ton of questions myself but I can shed some light on my experiences thus far.

Now, the question a lot of people tend to have is “How do I know if I’m pregnant?” While some people are in tune with their bodies, some don’t find out until they are months along. I was that person who knew something was off, I am in tune with my body but an app made me skeptical that something might’ve been going on. I have two apps (Glow & Period Tracker Lite) I was using to track my cycle and my cycle was approaching. Well one app said it was due on September 12th, and the other said the 13th give or take a day because it may have been the 11th and 12th but anyway, it didn’t come on either of those days. This is when I became a little skeptical because both apps are never off, sometimes one would be wrong and the other would make up for it but BOTH were wrong!? It didn’t make sense to me. Yet and still I was calm, I drove to the dollar store and picked up two test (don’t sleep on the dollar store test they work). I was nonchalant as I took the first one because I honestly expected to see a negative, well boy was I wrong, two lines popped up within seconds.Shook was not the word, after I calmed down and stopped saying omg, crying, and yelling in my sister’s ear, I took the second and duh it was a no-brainer, I was indeed pregnant. I’ve never been pregnant before, never got a positive so I was floored to be honest. I wasn’t trying for a baby, but keeping it real I obviously wasn’t taking the necessary precautions to avoid it so here we are. So I found out on a Wednesday and by Friday it was confirmed by a doctor I was 4 weeks and 4 days along so I found out relatively early. Symptoms? I had none, I had my regular PMS cramping, and the only thing that was different was my boob gave me hell but I still thought it was because my cycle was due. I don’t know if it was a mental thing or what, but the day after I found out, BOOM morning sickness. Me and my toilet bowl have become besties these last couple of months but guess what? It’s not only morning sickness, I got morning, noon, evening, and night sickness. Some mama’s are lucky enough to escape the wrath and some are well, not so lucky. My nausea and throwing up did subside after week 12 but every now and then I will throw up my flag and greet the bowl with open arms (cough cough, like this morning). But hey, it’s all  apart of the process. And in a way it let’s me know that baby bean is in there still kicking around and doing it’s thing. Sleep will become your everything, for me I slept a lot around my earlier weeks. I still get tired fast now but I have regained some energy to where I can skip a nap some days and be fine. Some days you will straight up want to bum it out because you just don’t feel like doing anything. I also had insomnia at night in my earlier weeks which some people tend to get later on in their pregnancy and the dreams? Let’s not get started on the dreams, they will become very weird, very vivid, and very questionable. Your boobs? Yes they will itch. Your back? Yeah it’ll probably hurt. I only weigh 106 right now and I get out of breath quickly so yeah, prepare yourself.

A lot of things change once you find out you’re pregnant, your life choices change, your activities change, and your mindset changes. You realize it’s not only you now, now there’s a little person who’s depending on you to nurture, take care of, and feed it. You find out you can’t eat or drink certain things like hoagies and soda (I’m still not thrilled about this) especially because I crave Coke’s, it’s ridiculous. You will sometimes crave unhealthy foods you don’t need, in my earlier weeks I wanted nothing but buffalo wings, then it moved to ice cream, ice-cream cakes and now I always want pizza. Everything is all still so new to me and then it hits me that in just a few months there will be a little human staring me in my face and expecting me to wait on hand and foot and it’s all just scary. It’s exciting but it can also get overwhelming, emotional, and some days you just don’t know what to expect. The mood swings are real; some days you will find yourself a mixture of happy, sad, irritated, excited, confused, and just everything all in one. And I know they hate it but the baby’s dad (if he’s in the picture- at the edge, in the middle, or wherever he stands) gets most of the frustration you feel, it becomes a love-hate relationship because most days you will probably hate his guts and his face, and just everything about him. They’re just an easy target, sorry dad’s it’s all love (insert sad but not really face).

It’s important that you don’t compare your journey too closely to anyone else’s because more than likely nothing will be the same. Your timeline won’t necessarily look like someone else’s because you go to different doctors/midwives/OBGYN’s, etc. who do things differently. You will have to learn to be patient. I didn’t get my first Ultrasound until week 12 so imagine how anxious I was seeing people get one as early as week 5 and 6 (you don’t see much at those stages) but they were still getting them for confirmation and other reasons. I also don’t find out the gender until week 20 so I’m almost there but people are already finding out what they are having. But again, patience is key. You learn to appreciate the little things and go with the flow when you’re growing something so delicate inside of you. Don’t rush anything and take it easy. Although I am really anxious to feel my baby kick I just stare at my stomach some days and say “do a flip” but little baby is stubborn and moves at its own pace like its mama. But the time shall come so I count my blessings and stay thankful for the experience.

A tip I will leave you with for today is: try not to stress and overwhelm yourself with the “what-ifs” what if something goes wrong? What if this? What if that? Take a deep breath and relax, you will find you will never stop worrying or having questions. You just have to take it day by day and as I said appreciate the little things, every week is a milestone for me because it’s one week down and one less week to go. If you have concerns, talk to your support system, people who have experience, and most importantly, talk to your doctor, they will guide you in the right direction and do what they can to ease your worries. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and don’t freak yourself out by watching birth videos.

Questions, comments, or concerns? Interested in sharing your own experiences or tips? Drop a comment or shoot me an email (

Thanks for reading, Be Blessed & Stay Humble. As always Choose You Always!

Interested in checking out my first two self-published books? Head over to my site: $elf – choose you always.

And Soon We’ll Be Saying – “Remember that Horrible Year? What Was It Again…?”


Am I only the one or is the fact that it’s December 2nd blowing your mind? This year has really flown by and I think as a whole it’s been very overwhelming for almost everyone. Now I won’t generalize but from being on social media and having different conversations, 2017 has been a disaster for most. From struggling with school and work for some, to life just happening for others. It has truly been a whirlwind and I think just wanting 2018 to be better is enough motivation for people to do things differently.

In retrospect, my year has been a learning experience so I’ve categorized it as one of the best/worst years because while I’ve experienced enough things to change my life outlook, I’ve taken away more from those experiences than I could have if I never had to go through them first hand. I feel like that’s a good way to start looking at situations we may not necessarily like. The things we encounter is not made to break us, but to build our character but while we’re going through something we’re quick to ask “Why me?” or similar questions as if our journey wasn’t meant for us. We don’t have control over everything that happens and I think that’s what kills us the most, not being able to control or change the path of certain outcomes but that’s life. Things will happen; things will happen that will make us cry, make us upset, make us want to give up. It all comes down to how we internalize what we experience, and that’s where the notion of something making or breaking us comes in.

Some take aways I want to share from this year are things that can be utilized for the years to come:

  • Do what makes you happy even if that happiness is temporary. (We tend to take a lot into consideration when choosing to do something for ourselves, and often times we think of things that aren’t really important such as, what people will think, if we’ll be happy in the long run, and what will happen) While those things are important to take into consideration they also hinder us from taking risk or truly being happy in the moment. Sometimes that happiness doesn’t last but being able to experience it is what matters. As the saying goes “it’s better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.” Certain things shape the way we handle similar situations in the future if we should ever cross the path again.


  • Your mental health is THE MOST important thing. (Things will happen that will rock your world and turn it upside down. You will be hurt, upset, and unfortunately, sometimes depressed. Everything effects your mental health and stability and sometimes you may not notice how much you are effected until you reach a breaking point. Don’t overlook your sadness or feelings. Don’t be afraid to seek help from your support system or a professional if you get to a point where nothing is working and you constantly feel down and out.)


  • Self-care is necessary – I talk about self-care a lot because that’s how important it is. Take time to yourself to reconnect; try your hardest not to lose sight of your goals or motivation, and I say try your hardest because I know first hand that when you hit rock bottom it all goes out the window and sometimes it takes months to rebuild. But we can’t function correctly without our mind being 100%. Self-care is simple and ties back into doing what makes you happy. This is also where I like to incorporate meditation, calming techniques, self-reflecting, and indulging in hobbies, etc.


  • Plan efficiently – I’m a person that likes to do things when I feel ready but sometimes my version of ready may not be the version I need to act on. To minimize your struggles and downfalls make sure you have several plans. Just because something looks good at first glance doesn’t mean that’s how it will pan out.


  • Be mindful of who you allow into your space – I’m not a love or relationship guru but I do have enough experience to know we must be mindful of who/what we allow into our minds, heart, and space. Not everyone has good motives and everyone does not have the same heart as you. It’s really important that we take extra time to get to know who we befriend, converse with, and who we choose to be intimate and have relations with. Before you even decide to take those steps in any relationship, ask questions, and I mean the really important ones. Bypass the what do you like to do and get to the point, “hey are you dealing with anyone else?” “What do you hope to get out this relationship, what are you looking for?” “when’s the last time you’ve been tested?” and so on and so forth, just be super mindful that some people won’t necessarily tell the truth but that’s up to you to gauge and make a decision on. Protect yourself, protect your mind, and protect your peace. Make people work extra hard to earn a place in your space.
    • Detox your space when you feel necessary – you are not obligated to hang on to any relationships that you feel isn’t benefiting your life in a positive way. If it’s doing more harm than help, let it go. And take note that history should not be a placeholder to keep people or things around, some people have expiration dates in your life.


  • Don’t ignore the signs you ask for – I think that’s as self-explanatory as it gets. We’re good for doing it.


  • Focus on your blessings, not what you don’t have or what you want – Develop an attitude of gratitude, we spend too much time sulking over things that have happened, things that we can’t change, and ultimately things that we don’t have that we want or even that we may feel we need. That’s been me plenty of times this year but I sat back and asked myself. “You have a roof over your head right?” “You’re able to eat right?” “You have clothes on your back, a bed to sleep in and people who care about you right?” And the most important question “You have the power to change your current situation don’t you?” “So what the hell are you REALLY complaining about?” Don’t be afraid to check yourself!

All in all it’s safe to say I’ve taken away a great deal of things from this year alone, it’s a lot more I could list but in that case I’d be writing another book instead of a blog post. What I want you all to take away is that sometimes our struggles turn into our greatest blessings so don’t try to skip your struggle or let it get you down. Sometimes you have to pick yourself back up and no one will be around to hold your hand or guide the way and that’s a part of growing up. You learn that life is no walk in the park and it won’t always be all smiles. I must say you learn so much from your struggles, and from your pain. It may suck while you’re experiencing it but once you get up and dust yourself off and heal your wounds, you look back and laugh and you say “That wasn’t even that bad now was it?” Nothing seems that bad when you get over it. Grow through, what you go through. We are all walking on different paths and just because yours doesn’t align with anyone else’s doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It just means you’re walking on the path that was meant for you and only you. It’s your life, live it well, live it to the fullest. Cheers to ending a year and being blessed enough to plan for a new one. Don’t look at this year as being horrible if you are able to walk away with lessons learned and your blessings.

Some of my fav post from this year:

Thanks for reading, Be Blessed & Stay Humble. As always Choose You Always!

Interested in checking out my first two self-published books? Head over to my site: $elf – choose you always.

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